Gossip Girl: The Tuesday Reality Index

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Last night's Gossip Girl, "Easy J," brought back Jenny Humphrey and marked a turning point in Chair's war of attrition, as TVF's official review discussed in detail earlier.

Now it's time for one of our favorite Gossip Girl features, New York Magazine's trademark reality index. Excerpts from the site's take on the night's high and low points:

Tim n' Taylor
  • Serena takes the fact that Colin collects Lichtenstein and Warhol as a sign that he has a multi-layered personality and interests beyond making money, when in fact those are the exact artists New York City finance guys with precisely no personality or interests beyond making money are most likely to collect. Plus 3.
  • The scary music leading up to the first shot of Jenny seemed over the top until her goth child prostitute drag queen image appeared in the frame, and we literally gasped. She looks like the little girl from The Ring! The only thing more frightening would have been if she'd flashed her underage boobs again. Plus 2.
  • When Nate has a Sensitive Man Attack about how Juliet wouldn't stay for breakfast, he calls Dan. Plus 2. Also, Nate says he was planning on taking Juliet to Tom's for breakfast when just a few weeks ago, she rated Norma's. Plus 4.
  • Tim Gunn's reaction when Jenny's models appear is absurd, and not just because of his acting. A prospective student sending out models wearing dresses spelling WHORE probably wouldn't be that unusual at Parsons, let alone offensive. Minus 5.
  • The whole Blair and Minions vs. Jenny Humphrey thing is so ridiculous we can't even get into it. Why does Jenny even go along with Blair's "banishment" from Manhattan and general quarantine of her to begin with? Minus 20.
  • Wait, creepy prison guy is Juliet's brother? Weren't they telling each other how cute they were? Minus only 1, because this show does love incest best.
  • If Juliet's bro has to use a pay phone to call, where is he texting from? Minus 7.

Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.


Gossip Girl Quotes

And who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell ... You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl

[to Jenny] That's the thing. You need to be cool to be queen. Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off. So her daughter Elizabeth made a vow never to marry a man. She married a country. Forget boys. Keep your eye on the prize, Jenny Humphrey. You can't make people love you, but you can make them fear you. For what it's worth, you're my Queen. I choose you.