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Survivor Review: Colton Crosses the Line

by at . Comments

What. Just. Happened.

As I’m sure most of you are, I too am struggling to process what I saw on this week’s episode of Survivor. The first thirty minutes were normal, at least by Survivor standards. The craziness started with Alicia taking Kat’s comment personally for no reason whatsoever and devolved in to what will be remembered as either the craziest or worst tribal council in Survivor history.

We’ll come back to Alicia because if we start with her, we’re burying the lead. The problem is, where do you even begin with what happened with the Manono (the men’s tribe for those of you not paying attention) tribe after the immunity challenge?

Leif Takes Aim

Logic would say to go in chronological order, but logic was thrown completely out the window this week, so no sense in doing that, either.  For me the biggest part of the episode was the tribal council itself, even more than the men volunteering to go there when they didn’t have to.  Don’t worry though, we’ll cover that to.

Two weeks ago the entire premise of my review was thanking Kat for being awful at the challenge so we were not subjected to an entire episode of Colton’s whining.  This week Colton got us back.  His out of control and boorish behavior began when we should have been watching the women come to terms with voting Alicia out.

Instead we had to watch a petulant, immature, insecure a-hole hijack Survivor.  For no reason other than simply being immature, Colton refused to listen to Bill when he wanted to talk.  You know who does stuff like that?  My four year old nephew.

Louis CK has a great skit where he talks about what it would be like if adults acted the way toddlers do.  Louis, you can check out this week’s episode of Survivor if you want to see it actually happen.  The only problem here is that the rest of the tribe is somehow too afraid of Colton to stand up to him.

On some level Colton does not HAVE to listen to Bill.  It’s immature, but those are some of the choices we get as adults (and we’re using the terms loosely with Colton).  What he can’t do is be a complete jerk to Bill about it.  Yet, in the context of the game of Survivor, I can forgive the remaining men for letting it slide.  I cannot forgive them if they let tribal council slide.

Colton took his already tired act to a new level at tribal council in a verbal spat with Bill where he lost every point.  Jeff asked him to make his case why he didn’t like Bill and Colton had virtually nothing with substance to back it up with.  Bill, meanwhile, took the high road, said he did not dislike Colton and simply asked him not to judge him.

When Colton suggested his dislike was not racially motivated he embarrassingly substantiated that claim by saying he went to a private, all-white high school and interacts with African-Americans.  Those African-Americans he interacts with?  His parent’s housekeeper.  The women who’s paid to be there and clean up after him.

The coup de grace for me, however, was when Colton attacked Bill’s profession saying it wasn’t a real job and he needed a backup plan.  This nearly brought Bill to tears as he explained that he’s been on his own since he was 17, poor and is chasing his dream.  He doesn’t want a backup plan.

Colton’s lack of perspective is astounding.  As Bill points out, he’s never worked an honest day in his life.  He’s obviously a spoiled college student.  For him to call anyone’s job a joke and challenge their line of employment is laughable.  What would Colton even know about a backup plan?  His is mom and dad.

Just when things were Jeff-Probst-eye-poppingly absurd, Tarzan opened his big, clueless mouth to give us his two cents on what is going on.  Shockingly, Tarzan suggested that Colton was being misrepresented because he was white and people were assuming he disliked Bill because he was black. 

Um, Tarzan (or Greg for normal people), even if that is true (and no one believes it) he’s STILL being a giant asshole.  Anyone with half a brain can see that!

Now we come to what scares me about this episode and this season of Survivor so far: I don’t think Colton will face any retribution for this.  We’re only four episodes in to Survivor and people are already scared to challenge the status quo or whatever ridiculous episode one alliance they put together.

He absolutely should, however.  The start of next episode should be Jonas, Troyzan, Leif, Michael and Jay retuning from tribal council with the oh-my-god-what-the-hell-just-happened-faces on.  Quickly they all should realize they cannot let someone like Colton stay in the game because he obviously does not deserve it. 

Sadly, of course, it’ll take a blindside because Colton has an idol.  They’ll have to figure out how to get rid of him without him knowing it is coming.  Needless to say, I do not have faith we’ll get so lucky.

The same scenario likely would have existed on the women’s side if the men had not done the unthinkable.  Alicia OBVIOUSLY should go home because she’s useless in challenges, completely paranoid and a mouthy bitch.  Her display this week should warrant immediate removal.

But, from the moment Sabrina suggested the obvious Kim quickly hemmed and hawed and suggested Christina go home.  Every time Sabrina suggested a reason why Alicia should go home and Christina should stay, Kim had no answer, but still did not seem willing to budge.  Why?

Fear of going against the grain.  It’s why Kat stayed on this week and why Alicia would have stayed in the game this week.  It’s why even though the men did not have a majority on giving up immunity; they eventually caved because they did not want to be seen as the one challenging the authority.

As for the men giving up immunity under the guise of trying to remove any ‘cancers’ that would fester while they wait for the next tribal council, that’s utterly absurd.  So often we hear this talk from women with men scoffing, wondering why women can’t deal with such adversity. 

It was all garbage made up by Colton because he’s too emotional to see the forest for the trees.  Oh, boo hoo.  You have someone on your tribe you don’t like.  Cry me a freaking river.  Why would you willingly make the game harder for yourself by going to tribal council intentionally?

One thing that became clear to me with Bill’s ouster was that Troyzan, Tarzan, Leif and Jonas were all in on the ploy to get the other guys to go along with giving up immunity just to vote Bill out.  Tarzan oversold his treachery angle with Leif and Leif even oversold his guilt at tribal council.  Leif not defending himself doesn’t make sense until you realize he’s in on the ruse. 

For the first time in 24 seasons I actually find myself annoyed with the show.

I’ve never been one to let a character or two bring down my enjoyment of the game, but I fear what is development.  Characters you can root for like Chelsea and Jay unwilling to stand up to jerks like Colton and Alicia who are boorish because that’s who they are, not to try and win the game (like, say, Russell).  Sad.

Review

Editor Rating: 1.1 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 2.8 / 5.0 (209 Votes)
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Wouldn't it be sooooo much fun too "beat the living crap" out of Colton? I do have intrests in Alabama.... Colton, I'm. Stalking. You! If I ever see your faggot ass in public, I'll hurt you bad! BEND OVER AND GET SOME SAUSAGE, because I'm going to leave you in a cell when all is said and done!!! SAUSAGE BOY!!! MEET BUBBA!!!

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They must have something in the contestants' contracts against fighting because I can't believe that black guy (can't remember his name) didn't knock faggot Colton on his ass. I would have. Colton is going to get his ass beat to a pulp if he doesn't calm down. He's just a sycophant megalomaniac, evil and hateful and a disgrace to the human race. Fucking faggot.

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Carly what perfect country do you come from? I am so sick of outsiders being so critical and judgmental when every time there is the slightest thing wrong the first place they go screaming too is the USA. Why does the US do this, why hasn't the US done that? Seriously if we ever decided to pull away and stop helping all of you weak countries you would wither away and die. Especially the Canadians, they are the most vocal in their criticism yet sit happily next door under our protection then cry about how horrible we are. Jealous much?

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I agree with the observation that Colton is unpleasant to even watch. However, his rudeness and sadistic, juvenile treatment of Christine should not be tolerated by the rest of the tribe. The ignorant woman with dreads is as shameful and ignorant. Christine is a good, respectable person and Colton is being abusive, not just playing the game. His ignorance, racism and delusional arrogance is disgraceful. Colton getting illis just the karma wheel turning ... What goes around comes around.

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I think Colten stinks at Survivor. He is so bad I think Jeff (the host) should kick him out of the game. soon Colten will get a fever of about 105 degrease!! you stink colten!!!

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Colton is an arrogant little prick who clearly was raised by bigot nose up in the air parents who taught him no moral compass what so ever. I cannot for the love of me understand why people are letting him lead them, I can only wait for him to come to his demise and get voted . Unfortunately he does nothing to improve the gay cause, as a matter of fact he only helps to enforce what most of us think. Bill is a class act!

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After tonight seeing how badly Colton is behaving. I can't stand his direspectful comments. He needs to go. If I ever see him on the street I am going to "blindside" his ugly ass.

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He is making this show so interesting, he is the Gay Russell. I like the villonous character he has created. I can wait for what this Bad Bitch does next week. More blindsides please....

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Well I know everybody hates Colton but I love him. I know that he's been judgmental, but I can tell he is exagerating for the show. Colton reminds me of a gay Karen (from Will and Grace).

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I love gay people and this isnta gay issue... but they seriously have to get rid of that Colton (not because he is gay) I have a lot of gay friends that are genuinely nice and professional. The problem with Colton is that he does not have any human qualities in him. He needs to be beaten up and violently He needs 3 huge D*$2k up his ass and raped! end of story....

Survivor Season 24 Episode 4 Quotes

That little munchkin is about to be knocked back to Oz.

Colton

Boys and girls, Bill Posley just got wowed. Turns out my name was WAY more on the chopping block than I thought it was at the last tribal council.

Bill