Gossip Girl Review: Despicably High-Brow

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"Maybe you've been so busy worried about what everyone thinks that you forgot who you actually are. Which is a shame, because you should see what I see." - Dan

It's all about appearances, right? This week's Gossip Girl was all about the upper crust of the UES behaving badly - despicably if you will - in the name of getting what they want, for the sake of their respective reputations.

Meanwhile, the Humphrey men struggled to make sense of it all.

In a sense, "Despicable B" was like old times on Gossip Girl, with various stories of social scheming, though certain characters have arguably lost their way to the point where their actions cease to be believable.

Blair clearly has lost her way, somewhere between being traded for a hotel and selling out for a tiara. At least she admits as much, and has perhaps realizes at last that she can start being happy without preconditions.

Dair detractors may lament the couple's banality or lack of intense physical chemistry, but their connection runs deeper than the superficial. Going back to their days at W, Dan has loved Blair Waldorf for ... Blair Waldorf.

A Dair Picture

Dan always does his part. Whether or not you're a card-carrying member of Team Dair, you have to respect the genuine compassion, communication and respect between them. They are an equal partnership.

Fun as it was to see her so incredulous over Dan outshining her on the N.Y. Magazine Approval Matrix (a real, hilarious thing, even if Kim Kardashian's marriage lasting longer than B's isn't actually on it), our girl needs to regain her mojo. Strategizing to out-high-brow Dan at his own high-brow affair? Totally low-brow and beneath vintage B.

Dair's storyline had some wonderful moments - their heart-to-heart at the end, her botched attempt to generate interest from FIT, Dorota insisting B is still royalty to me! (FTW!) - but let's hope it marks a turning point.

She's got to know herself again, for real, and it'll be very interesting to see if Daniel Humphrey is by her side when she does. Who is the real B? Do any of us even know anymore? Just pray she tries to find her.

NOTE: It looks like B adopts an entirely different persona next week (see promo below).

Speaking of people unrecognizable from Season One ... when did Lily get so evil? Yes, she's always been materialistic, selfish and one to put on airs to a degree, but this level of vindictiveness is unprecedented.

If the whole plan all along was to nail Carol for fraud, well, kudos on the execution and all, but she'd already secured 50 percent of the estate, so what was the point? And why invite a reporter? To enhance her "image"? This is a woman who's been IN JAIL and married FIVE times. Pretty sure the reputation ship sailed long ago.

Notice she didn't deny paying off the nurse to sell out Ivy, either. That's just cold, Lil. Fortunately, Ivy proved her own goodness and/or naivete by tearing up the check at the end. Poor girl just wants a FAMILY! Not money!

Idiot. Did you see the zeroes on that thing?!

Rufus has clearly had it being lied to, and it's hard to blame the guy. He was always the trophy husband, but at least she was nice and they enjoyed each other's company. Now? Who knows who he's married to.

The problem with Lily's storyline was that unlike Blair's, it's just too complicated. Who can even keep track of all the lies and the reasons behind them, and at this point, are we emotionally invested in any of them?

Serena, Lily Pic

You know it's bad when William seems like a genuinely good guy just trying to do right by the four crazy women in his life. You almost feel bad for the guy. Maybe he'll figure out a way to leave all the money to Lola now.

Stranger things have happened ... on Gossip Girl.

Serena? She's just aimless at this point, a girl without a family, a real job, a boyfriend or much of a social life. It's sad, really, and makes you fear how low she'll go for attention in the next three weeks.

Perhaps the most significant (and most dubious) developments of the night came in the closing montage. First, Serena left the Gossip Girl server login info hanging out of her notebook! And Lola ganked it!

Week after week, characters one-up each other for biggest secret left out in the open. The people on this show need serious lessons in hiding sensitive information, because they make things too easy on lazy writers.

It's called a safe. Or a real doorman. Or a password on your iPhone. Or your pocket.

Okay, rant over. What do you think Lola will do with that info is the real debate. Give it back to the real G.G.? Become G.G. 4.0? Sell it back to Serena for her cut of the trust fund? Infinite, absurd possibilities.

Finally, Chuck Bass has been through about as many paternity twists as Gossip Girl has identity crises. Thanks to the busiest P.I. in the city and some (sexy!) mind games from Nate, we know Diana's a fraud.

You gotta love Nate going to bat for his friend and his company, while treating female fans to some gratuitous shirtless action to boot. Well played, Mr. Archibald ... and those who guessed Jack is Chuck's dad.

In real life, Desmond Harrington is 35 and Ed Westwick 24, BTW. A bit of a stretch. But if Chuck graduated high school just three years ago and Jack is around 40 ... we'll buy. Again, this is Gossip Girl people.

It STILL doesn't explain what Diana's angle is, though, and it starts to lose some of its punch when a huge bombshell is simply negated the following week. On a routine basis. Oh, yeah. That was a lie. Great.

Think he's actually Chuck's dad? And Elizabeth the mother after all? If so, why all the subterfuge? What's really going on here, and will the ultimate resolution to this ongoing saga finally be worth it?

We have our doubts, but here's hoping. Before we turn it over to your comments, here's next week's promo:

What did you think of tonight's Gossip Girl? Sound off now!

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Review

Editor Rating: 3.5 / 5.0
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Steve Marsi is the Managing Editor of TV Fanatic. Follow him on Google+ or email him here.

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