It's time for The Real Housewives of Orange County to jet set...to BALI. Because nothing says "we're totally normal people" like taking a random vacation across the globe, right?
Will the drama get dirty on The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 9 Episode 16? Of course it will. Now let's recap it with our +/- review.
Heather's excited all the women are going to Bali and hopes they'll be able to have a good time. Shannon hopes the spiritual nature of the locale will prevent the drama from getting too hot.
Lizzie and Tamra are in a weird place. Tamra's not sure she likes Lizzie. Lizzie's not sure she likes Tamra or Vicki. Heather hopes they'll all "find salvation" in Bali.
That's...that's a weird thing to hope, right?
Vicki's freaked out that her employees won't be able to reach her in Bali because Bali doesn't have the Internet. (Pretty sure Bali has the Internet.)
Shannon has herbs and supplements from her homeopath so she can go to Bali. Because they totally don't have doctors or homeopaths there.
Okay, finally. Now. 23 hours and 25 pieces of luggage later, the women are in Bali. Plus 10.
It's hot and humid and gorgeous and Vicki's being ridiculous. When the women get to their shuttle, the shuttle driver isn't there. Vicki decides to hop behind the wheel and yell, loudly, for the shuttle driver to show up.
Ugh. Typical American tourist, right? Minus 45.
"Vacation Shannon is Fun Shannon. Times Ten." Oh, get ready, Housewives. GET. READY.
This resort is beautiful. Just amazing. Plus 10.
Heather got all the women Balinese crowns as trip gifts. Sweet. Plus 5. Vicki makes fun of the food and insults the chef and kitchen and Danielle looks completely not excited to be there. We'll just blame it on the fact that they traveled so far.
Vicki and Shannon take cocktails out on a kayak while the other women sit in the pool. Danielle is still mad at Vicki for her Dumb and Dumber comment but Lizzie's ready to forgive and forget since Vicki was the only other one who showed up to her birthday party.
Tamra's the bad seed according to Lizzie.
Just as Tamra predicted, when Vicki sees an abandoned boat and tries to climb aboard, she tips the kayak. Shannon doesn't do well with fish. AND they lose their cocktails! TRAVESTY! Minus 8
After a morning of cocktails and kayaks, it's time for the women to ride some elephants, but first it's time for Vicki to throw up in the back seat of the van. She blames it on motion sickness. And while the women are holding her hair back, they are ATTACKED by a WILD DOG.
Okay, not really attacked. Just frightened. Because they might be 2.
Vicki and Heather ride the same elephant and Vicki's afraid the entire time that they're going to fall over and does her Vicki shriek. She's lucky the elephant doesn't just reach up there with its trunk and throw her to the ground.
On the rear elephant, Lizzie's planting anti-Tamra seeds in Shannon's ear. Ugh. Minus 6.
Tamra knew she wasn't going to Lizzie's party that morning and waited until she was late to tell Lizzie she wouldn't be there. (She has a story for that...one which might get Tamra Barney fired from The Real Housewives of Orange County.)
Then, she allegedly texted Danielle the morning after Lizzie's party to make fun of Lizzie's dress. Shannon buys it all. Hook, line, and sinker.
OH GOD ELEPHANT PEEN. UNSEE UNSEE!! Minus 100.
Bali is really hot. Shannon's hair is frizzed. Heather's cracking jokes about losing weight because it's so hot. Vicki's threatening to skinny dip. Danielle's butt itches.
Tamra tells Danielle that's good luck and Vicki calls Tamra crazy, jokingly. That's Danielle's door to ask about the dumb and dumber thing. And boy does she ever ask about it.
Vicki apologizes and expects them all to move on, but Lizzie drags it all out, including her beef with Tamra. When Tamra catches her in a lie, Lizzie says "well you guys didn't come to my birthday party so I'm right and you're wrong even if you're actually really right." I'm paraphrasing, but that's the gist.
Lizzie says she's over it. She's not over it. Not even kind of over it. Minus 12.
Vicki, Tamra, and Heather finish their drinks and go to bed while Shannon, Lizzie, and Danielle stay and drink.
Lizzie says that her birthday was her worst ever and she was so bad she took it out on her husband. By saying that it was the worst birthday ever and if he didn't produce a good birthday the next year she would probably leave him.
THEN she asked him to get a boner once a week before saying "f*ck you" as he relocated himself in the limo. YIKES YIKES YIKES! Lizzie! Minus 25.
Heather tells Tamra that she DID make fun of Lizzie's dress and Tamra decides she's not talking to Heather anymore that night. Lizzie's back at the pool telling Shannon all about Tamra.
Like the fact that Tamra's told everyone about the email from David, says Shannon needs an exorcism, has green martians flying around her head, and that she's full of sh*t. Oh, Tamra.
Tamra's tales aren't done yet for the evening. Apparently there was drama after Heather's Valentine's Party when the attendees played a little game of "Marry, Shag, Kill."
Lizzie and Eddie both said they'd marry each other. Tamra and Christian both chose shag. The jealousy about this foursome knows no bounds.
And now Shannon has vowed to get Tamra alone so she can have some words with Ms. Judge.
They were supposed to find their salvation, no?
EPISODE TOTAL: -181 SEASON TOTAL: -591
What did you think of The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 9 Episode 16? Who's telling the truth: Lizzie or Tamra?
Miranda Wicker is a Staff Writer for TV Fanatic. Follow her on Twitter.