The Real Housewives of New York City Season 9 Episode 1 Review: Talk of the Town
Sarah Hearon
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Bravo is (finally) back in a New York state of mind.
On The Real Housewives of New York City Season 9 Episode 1, we caught up with our favorite New Yorkers and (shocker!) it's still about Tom.
First things first, it's time to talk about the new taglines.
Dorinda and Ramona definitely win, but Bethenny and Sonja's work well for who they are on the show too.
I'm an acquired taste, if you don't like me, acquire some test.
Ramona
New Housewife Tinsley's joke about her eyelashes fixing her mugshot fell flat, and we all know LuAnn's marriage to Tom isn't going to last, so she won't be trading the title of Countess for wife for very long.
As for Carole, who is rumored to have a very political season, her tagline works, but nothing will beat the one she had during season six.
It's time to catch up with our favorite Manhattan ladies, and Bethenny (and her Tribeca apartment) are up first. She's hired Million Dollar Listing New York's Fredrik Eklund to sell the apartment she won back in her divorce.
They argue about what to list it for, but Bethenny convinces him to put it on the market for $6,995,000. Fredrik tells her it won't be easy to sell it for that price, but we all know from the news it ended up going for that price after only one day on the market.
Talk about a high kick moment.
Dorinda and LuAnn catch up at the park, and it's still about Tom.
Despite all of the drama from last year about Tom cheating on LuAnn, she is still planning her wedding and eager to marry him. None of the women are invited besides Dorinda, but that didn't stop her from inviting over 250 people.
None of the women are invited to the wedding, besides Dorinda... I want only positive energy around me and I don't feel that way around the other women.
LuAnn
Sonja and Dorinda are still fighting over Sonja not being invited to last year's trip to the Berkshires, but after seeing last season, I don't know why she would want to be there.
She's channeling her anger by doing an off-Broadway play about sex. Say what you want about Sonja, but she never fails to entertain. (Maybe that should be her tagline next season).
Meanwhile, Ramona has a new Mario in her life-- her new contractor. She's redoing her apartment and planning on putting in a second sink in the bathroom for when she has a new lover.
You're better than my ex! He didn't save me any money.
Ramona
Carole's added two kittens (and a boy) to her apartment. Adam's moved in and they're trying to adjust to life with a puppy and two cats.
I feel like I'm living in a petting zoo.
Carole
Carole and Dorinda make up after fighting during last season's reunion, and I wonder if there is a limit for how many times we will see the clip (from two seasons ago, I might add) where they go to London to pick up Carole's late husband's ashes.
Bethenny (who everyone is randomly calling B this season) shows up at Sonja's apartment to pick up dresses for Dress To Success.
She has a new intern who answers the door, and frankly, I miss Pickles.
You should send her a fruit basket and thank her for taking out the trash.
Bethenny
It doesn't take long for them to get on the subject of Tom and LuAnn's wedding, and Sonja says she isn't going because LuAnn is acting self-absorbed (or Tom-absorbed). She also has plans for New Years already.
I think it's safe to say Sonja may still have some leftover feelings for Tom, but Bethenny makes it very clear she needs to forget him ASAP and even thank LuAnn for getting Tom out of her life for good.
You should send her a fruit basket and thank her for taking out the trash.
Bethenny
Bethenny also says she isn't going (even though she wasn't exactly invited) unless it's a paid appearance... or unless she's asked to sponsor the bar.
I'm considering that the first reference to SkinnyGirl this season.. so if you're playing the drinking game, take a sip (of your SkinnyGirl Spicy Margarita, of course).
It's really Tom's penis... That's the reason no one is going to the wedding besides Dorinda.
Bethenny
LuAnn is in full wedding planning mode, and it's clear she wants it to be a big event. In her defense, she didn't have a big wedding when she got married the first time (the Countess got married in jeans!), but it does kind of seem ridiculous after all of the drama that went down.
Bethenny finds out that Fredrik got a cash offer on her new apartment, and she is ecstatic. Maybe she can buck up for some doggy training pads instead of newspaper for her new puppies, Biggy and Smallz. (Yes, you read that right).
Dorinda comes to Ramona's house for lunch, but Ramona is already on a lunch date with a man.
She manages to eat another lunch with Dorinda when she comes home five minutes later, and even more surprising, she tells her she got along with Dorinda's boyfriend, John, the other night.
Sometimes miracles do happen on the Upper East Side.
Ramona is upset that LuAnn didn't invite her to her bridal shower, and Dorinda explains that LuAnn thinks she was working with Bethenny last year to expose Tom's cheating.
Ramona denies those claims, but starts new rumors about Tom cheating on her a regular basis. I have a feeling that Tom's cheating is going to be the new pantygate.
She ends up going to lunch with LuAnn, and they talk about Tom's ex-girlfriend going to the press and saying she is still hooking up with Tom.
Ramona warns her that it is a very small city, but LuAnn is not interested in hearing what she has to say.
Let's toast to your marriage, I hope you don't fall on your face with him. I only want the best for you.
Ramona
There is also an interesting moment where Carole talks to Bethenny about the election (remember this is back in October).
Carole is very passionate about Hillary Clinton, and it's totally eerie to see her talk about the possibility (and horror) of Donald Trump winning.
He's like LuAnn, the bigger the lie, the more people believe it.
Carole
I can't imagine LuAnn enjoyed hearing Carole compare her to Donald Trump when this episode aired.
If you missed the premiere or want to relive the drama, you can watch The Real Housewives of New York City online.
Sarah Hearon is a staff writer for TV Fanatic. Follow her on Twitter.
