I know I'm gullible because a lot of people tell me that and I have no reason not to believe them.

Jess

Them's joint bank account eyes.

Jess

Where did all that hair come from? You're a lioness!

Schmidt

First order of business, we eat their food.

Nick

I am rugged, semtic prince!

Schmidt

Howard: You reported me to human resources?
Sheldon: You violated the sanctity of my mouth.
Howard: Well, I dropped your class, so I hope you're happy.

Sheldon: What are you doing now?
Howard: Making a straw.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: So I can shoot you with a spitball.
Sheldon: You're not going to do that, and I'll tell you why. This is an institution of higher learning, I am your professor, and you're going to treat me with the prop... You shot your spit in my mouth!
Howard: Is that gonna be on the test? Because I don't think I could do that again.

Sheldon: What are you doing?
Howard: If you're gonna be a crappy teacher, then I'm gonna be a crappy student.

I can't believe I have to waste my time babysitting a bunch of grad students who probably think dark matter is what's in their diapers.

Sheldon

Something just didn't seem right about Koothrapeeney.

Raj

I'm saying, in the spirit of science, what is that little skank's problem?

Amy

Amy: I'm stimulating the pleasures of this starfish. I just need to turn it off.
Penny: What happens if you don't?
Amy: Then I have to sit through lunch knowing this starfish is having a better day than I am.

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