Until you manage to upload your intelligence into a self-sustaining, orbiting satellite equipped with high-speed internet and a cloaking device, you will be dependent on the human race.

I'm prone to night terrors, so if I wake up kicking and screaming, don't panic. Just pin me down and stroke my hair and I'll be fine.

I obviously have the flu, coupled with sudden on-set Tourette's Syndrome.

Amy: I have potential for sexual arousal.
Sheldon: A cross we all must bear.

Amy: Sheldon, I am not going through menopause.
Sheldon: Are you sure? You said that with the testy bark of an old bitty.

TBBT Quotes

Sheldon: Are you still mad about the sperm bank?
Leonard: No!
Sheldon: Do you want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?
Leonard: Not really.
Sheldon: If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimeters most people will trip.
Leonard: I don't care—two millimeters?! That doesn't seem right.
Sheldon: No, it's true! I did a series of experiments when I was twelve; my father broke his clavicle.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon