Until you manage to upload your intelligence into a self-sustaining, orbiting satellite equipped with high-speed internet and a cloaking device, you will be dependent on the human race.

I'm prone to night terrors, so if I wake up kicking and screaming, don't panic. Just pin me down and stroke my hair and I'll be fine.

I obviously have the flu, coupled with sudden on-set Tourette's Syndrome.

Amy: I have potential for sexual arousal.
Sheldon: A cross we all must bear.

Amy: Sheldon, I am not going through menopause.
Sheldon: Are you sure? You said that with the testy bark of an old bitty.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

The show must go on, and thankfully all the things my girlfriend used to do can be taken care of with my right hand.