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Parks-and-recreation

Andy: If you do collapse, I know first aid, er karate.
Leslie: That’s not first aid.
Andy: It is if you do it right! Heimlich!

Ohh, girl, you look creepy.

Andy: You know when you go to the ATM and get money—is there an actual guy that stands there and gives you money?
Ron: No.
Andy: Yeah, those are robots.

I once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks. I didn’t actually sell my last car. I just forgot where I parked it. I don’t know who Al Gore is and now I’m afraid to ask.

You are like the saxophone player for the California Raisons good!

April: Babe, wake up!
Andy: That’s my spaghetti, Chewbacca.

Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.

Andy: I have no idea how to run a nonprofit.
April: Hey, you shined shoes for two years and never earned a profit.

Andy: What else does your family own?
Lord Covington: Well, um have you heard of Scotland?

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