Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation Quotes

Season 5 Episode 22: "Are You Better Off?"

Tom: What brand is it?
Ann: It's called "Womb, There It Is!"
 • Rating: Unrated

Donna: Are you kidding me? Sell baby, sell! Could you imagine the Treat Yo'Self day we could have? It would be pedicures on top of pedicures on top of pedicures.
 • Rating: Unrated

Brandy Maxx: I had a small part in Argo. As well as the porn version, Our Goo.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: This case just remained interesting.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chris: Together, as a town, we lost an amount of weight equal to 800 pregnant manatees.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: Woah, Dylan, slow down. That sweat suit is not for sweating. If you take that crushed velvet on more than a brisk walk,it'll fall apart.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chris: Due to a tragic misunderstanding, the prettiest pig beauty pageant has been replaced by a pork rib barbeque competition.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mona Lisa: I'm boreddddd. Let's go have sex in a tree. He'll be back in 8 minutes.
 • Rating: Unrated

Donna: I like the rain and the fish markets.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 21: "Swing Vote"

Leslie: Your office shall serve as his monkey tomb!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mona Lisa: I've been single for an hour now and it's the tits!
 • Rating: Unrated

Ann: When you're not around, Tom drinks tap water.
 • Rating: Unrated

April: To be perfectly honest, Mouserat's music is not my thing. I really only listen to like German death reggae, Halloween sound effects from the 1950s, and Bette Midler. Obviously.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mona Lisa: How did I not know that Diddy was on Instagram, you jagweeds?
 • Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

Andy: Well, I dropped my cell phone in a bowl of cereal last week, idiot! If you had called me, you would have known that!
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: Dating Mona Lisa is awesome. Except I live in constant fear of my life. So I need to do the mature thing and get someone to dump her.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: That is my band. I didn't recognize them without me because I'm the only one that matters.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ron: I believe in cutting useless government projects. I also believe in cutting useful government projects.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 20: "Jerry's Scrapbook"

Jerry: The hug machine is here! Smiling on all cylinders!
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: I'm gonna buy some sweat pants and a Nicholas Sparks novel. Might as well lean into it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite "Parks and Recreation" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!