Carmela: (on Meadow) There has to be consequences. What kind of parents would we be if we let her get away with this?
Tony: Typical.

Carmela: Tony, we can't just throw your sister out.
Tony: Why not?
Carmela: It wouldn't be Christian.
Tony: See? This shit works out. She's Buddhist.

(to Father Phil) I think you have this MO where you manipulate spiritually thirsty women and I think a lot of it is tied up with food some how, as well as the sexual tension game.

You know what I think Father, I think that you like the-I don't know what to call it-the whiff of sexuality that never goes anyplace.

(to Tony) All it takes is a half of a woman's thigh to get your ass out of bed. What am I, a fucking idiot? If I had an ounce of self-respect I would cut your dick off.

Carmela: Anthony, what does a gentleman do for a lady?
A.J.: In his own house?!

Carmela: What if something should happen?
Tony: You dig out my blue suit, you call up old man Coletti, and tell him not to put too much makeup on my face.

You know Tony, it's a multiple choice thing with you. I can't tell if you're old-fashioned, paranoid, or just a fucking asshole.

Carmela: Look at you at girls soccer, Tony.
Tony: What do you want from me? My only son's a couch potato.

Uncle Junior: I don't go down often enough.
Carmela: That's not what I hear.

Livia Soprano: (to A.J.) Come over here, say a hail mary for your grandfather.
Uncle Junior: Lay off, he's a kid.
Livia Soprano: So he should neglect his elders, just like his father?
Uncle Junior: Yeah, real scamp.
Livia Soprano: My son, the mental patient.

Livia: (on Tony) Did he cheat on you again?
Carmela: I try to do something nice. I come here to take you out. Right away you think I have some other agenda that I have to talk to you about. Don't flatter yourself.

The Sopranos Quotes

Paulie: You didn't go to hell. You went to purgatory, my friend.
Christopher: I forgot about purgatory.
Paulie: Purgatory--a little detour on the way to paradise.
Christopher: How long do you think we've got to stay there?
Paulie: That's different for everybody. You add up all your mortal sins and multiply that number by 50. Then you add up all your venial sins and multiply that by 25. You add that together and that's your sentence. I figure I'm gonna have to do 6,000 years before I get accepted into heaven and 6,000 years is nothin' in eternity terms. I can do that standing on my head. It's like a couple of days here.

Christopher: Let that one (points to Sandra Bernhard) call that one (points to Janeane Garofalo) "buchiach."
Janeane Garofalo: That sounds more interesting.
Director: Uh, buch- what?
Christopher: Buchiach. (motions to Sandra) If she's from Brooklyn...
Janeane Garofalo: That sounds okay.
Jon Favreau: Okay, let's roll. What does it mean?
Christopher: Cunt.
Jon Favreau: Cunt-I like that.