It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Charlie Kelly Quotes

Dee: Yeah, and Charlie, you find Mac's arguments to be fairly credible and convincing?
Charlie: I do. Yeah, he makes a lot of good points. He's a good judge and... he's an even better bailiff.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished collies. My client, Frank here, isn't really on trial today, ya know. Common sense is on trial. And while common sense would tell you that eating a bowl of cereal while operating a car it's reckless, it's moronic, one might even call it, 'donkey-brained'.
Dennis: Donkey-brained?
Charlie: It means to have the brains of a donkey or a donkey-type creature.
Dennis: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I know what it means, guy.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mac: I'm gonna smash this (vase of flowers) over their goddam heads!
Dennis: Yes, Mac! Yes! I'm gonna blast them with this fire extinguisher!
Charlie: Okay, I'll toss hot soup in their faces.
Frank: I'm gonna pinch their d**ks with this lobster.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: You think you're a god? I'm the one who's thriving! Look at me.
Dennis: You look like you're covered in Hawaiian Punch.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dee: I'll make you my king. Just accept my request to consummate.
Charlie: Consummate? What is that?
Dee: Have sex.
Charlie: Oh. So, um... we should have sex then?
Dee; In the game.
Charlie: Yeah, in the game. So, uh, push enter hard? Or one slow push and you do your thing?
Dee: just push the button, Charlie.
 • Rating: Unrated

Charlie: I'm getting sick of this s**t. I really am. You keep treating me like a dumb-dumb and a grunt. I have potential, ya know. I could go places. I could do things. Who knows? I might even rule the world someday.
Dennis: Rule the world, huh? Yeah, if that happens, I'll blow myself.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mac: Fight Milk! The first alcoholic dairy based protein drink for bodyguards!
Charlie: By bodyguards! I drink it every morning so I can fight like a crow.
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Charlie: What do we build?
Frank: We don't build anything. Leave that to the chinks! Speaking of
which, I want this sushi dinner to be the tits!
Charlie: Okay, so you want it to be really expensive.
Frank. No! No! I mean I want to eat it off some Jap broad's tits!
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Charlie: Frank's taking me under his wing. Teach me how to swim with the sharks.
Dennis: Charlie can't read.
Frank: He'll adapt.
Dennis: He'll adapt to reading?
 • Rating: Unrated

Charlie: Where's your mom going?
Mac: Oh, she keeps a cigarette burning out on the steps outside, so she's gonna go hack a butt.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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