I guess he's on the mothership now.

Charlie: Wait, what are you good at?
Dee: Good, uh, um, I'm a good person.

He's gonna put all the brains in my head. Sweet.

Charlie: Oh, yeah, the carpentry.
Mac: Throughout history, the ass kickers have always known carpentry -- Jesus Christ, Harrison Ford.
Charlie: Okay, then what are you talking about?
Mac: The women, the women dude. This is supposed to be a men's club, who wants that around here.

Your head of security just choked himself out.

Charlie: Are you the father of me, and shit?
Frank: We've been over this -- your mother's a giant whore!

Charlie: Wait, hold on, that's not like an official document!
Dee: Um, well, you signed it in blood.
Mac: Oh yeah, there it is: "Trundle," written in blood.
Charlie: Oh yeah, I was going by "Trundle" at the time, wasn't I -
Mac: No, no, no you weren't. You were trying to write "Charlie" and you wrote "Trundle."
Charlie: No, I was going by "Charlie the Great"
Mac: You came up with that after you miswrote it.

Frank: I don't care anything about this hole - I'm passionless.
Dennis: What are you saying Frank?
Frank: I officially retire from Paddy's Pub.
The Gang: YAY!!!

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Mac: That is about as low-brow as it gets.
Charlie: Yeah Dennis isn't gonna like that.

You can't get groomed, or become a groom, without a bride!

No I don't eat dragon, cause, uh, it's not a meal for peasants, it's a meal for kings, and I'm sort of a common man. But they don't eat us, it's a common misconception. They actually eat gold and treasure -- that's why they're always sitting on a pile of it.

Charlie's Mom: I can't lie to my Charlie!
Charlie: Good! Tell me everything!
Charlie's Mom: Okay, they were both here. They were both inside me. Eduardo was in my mouth, and Luther was in my butt.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

With real power comes real responsibility and I don't want any of that shit. I just want the money and the illusion of power. And puss.

Dennis

Dennis: I am having feelings again. Like some kind of fourteen year old kid. You remember, feelings right?
Mac: Yeah. I have feelings every single day of my life.
Dennis: Do you?
Mac: Are you saying you don't have feelings?
Dennis: What I'm saying is a built up a shell.. a shell around myself. A cold, calculated shell that couldn't be broken by anything but marriage.