Charlie's Mom: I can't lie to my Charlie!
Charlie: Good! Tell me everything!
Charlie's Mom: Okay, they were both here. They were both inside me. Eduardo was in my mouth, and Luther was in my butt.

Mac: Okay, daddy. I love you dad!
Charlie: Let it go. Let it go.

Mac: Thanks for coming with me, man.
Charlie: Well, you're forcing me too, so, yeah.

Shit that's Def, that's super Def.

Mac: Bro you texted us 911 what’s the emergency?!
Charlie: Uh, well, our friendships in danger!

Frank: Don’t talk out loud to me!
Charlie: Roger that!

It could be the stairs, or the cleanliness.

Just do it Dee, just do it you god damn bitch! Ohhhh, that god damn bitch!

You move the god damn dumpster you bitch.

Back office, chickens, vents. Everything's going in the vents, okay?

We are going to pull this thing off so help me god — son of a bitch.

It’s not hilarious! It’s a stool with a nail sticking out of it.