It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Quotes

Season 8 Episode 10: "Reynolds vs. Reynolds: The Cereal Defense"

Mac: And then, best of all. Sir Isaac Newton gets born and blows everyone's nips off with his big brains. Of course he also thought he could turn metal into gold and he died eating mercury. Making him yet another stupid (*slaps 'bitch' sticker*) bitch!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mac: I'm glad you brought up, Mr. Reynolds. Because science... is a liar sometimes. This... is Aristotle. Thought to be the smartest man on the planet. He believed the Earth was the center of the universe. And everybody believed him because he was so smart until another smartest guy came around. Galileo. And he disproved that theory... making Aristotle and everyone else on Earth look like... (*slaps a sticker that reads 'BITCH' on Aristotle's picture*) bitch.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mac: No matter. I'm righteous. I'm not gonna stand here and present some egghead scientific argument based on fact. I'm just a regular dude. I like to drink beer. I love my family. Rock, flag, and eagle - right, Charlie?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dee: Yeah, and Charlie, you find Mac's arguments to be fairly credible and convincing?
Charlie: I do. Yeah, he makes a lot of good points. He's a good judge and... he's an even better bailiff.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished collies. My client, Frank here, isn't really on trial today, ya know. Common sense is on trial. And while common sense would tell you that eating a bowl of cereal while operating a car it's reckless, it's moronic, one might even call it, 'donkey-brained'.
Dennis: Donkey-brained?
Charlie: It means to have the brains of a donkey or a donkey-type creature.
Dennis: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I know what it means, guy.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dee: Dennis, you don't want to go anywhere near a court. How many bench warrants for sexual misconduct do you have? Yeah, and Frank, how many unregistered guns do you have in your car right now?
Frank: A lot.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 8 Episode 9: "The Gang Dines Out"

Mac: I'm gonna smash this (vase of flowers) over their goddam heads!
Dennis: Yes, Mac! Yes! I'm gonna blast them with this fire extinguisher!
Charlie: Okay, I'll toss hot soup in their faces.
Frank: I'm gonna pinch their d**ks with this lobster.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dennis: He doesn't hide under a toupee. He faces his challenges instead of retreating to the sewers nude to forage for rings and coins. Or to the toilets. To a life filled with rats. He's the kind of man who gives me the courage to do an amazing double jack-knife twist, which I did. Most of you people wouldn't even attempt that, I did it. And to go down on Chrissy Orlando on a trampoline that very same night, which I also did. And I licked her asshole a little bit. It was pretty good. It was alright. It wasn't great.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dennis: You remember that night at Dooley's pool party on that fine Summer eve? When I did that double jack-knife twist and blew everyone's tits off? You remember that? And then I went down on Chrissy Orlando on the trampoline later that night?
 • Rating: Unrated

Mac: I'm not going to sit down until you say something nice to me. For once in your life.
Dennis: Your hair is small.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dennis: Wait! There's more. There's an old short fat man here. He sat with his young sleeping partner. Bring them a glass of the house red from us.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mac: My eyes slant down. I don't have a good peripheral.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mac: Me, too. I did my hair good and I wore two colognes.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 8 Episode 8: "Charlie Rules the World"

Charlie: You think you're a god? I'm the one who's thriving! Look at me.
Dennis: You look like you're covered in Hawaiian Punch.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Frank: Thanks for coming. A little overdressed.
Dee: You said it was a classy affair, Frank
Frank: It was 'til you showed up.
Dee: You bitch!
Frank: Where are your 101 Dalmatians tonight?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mac: Dennis, how does this make you feel?
Dennis: Powerful.
Mac: Yes, of course. But, how does it affect you sexually?
Dennis: I'm very aroused right now.
Mac: I, too, am aroused.
Frank: I'm startin' to swell up.
 • Rating: Unrated

Frank: Mac's a soiled fool and I'm a gorgeous girl with big cans and I'm bangin' all the fisherman for their fish and I'm being catty with all the women in the game like a real housewife.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dee: I'll make you my king. Just accept my request to consummate.
Charlie: Consummate? What is that?
Dee: Have sex.
Charlie: Oh. So, um... we should have sex then?
Dee; In the game.
Charlie: Yeah, in the game. So, uh, push enter hard? Or one slow push and you do your thing?
Dee: just push the button, Charlie.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: I'm getting sick of this s**t. I really am. You keep treating me like a dumb-dumb and a grunt. I have potential, ya know. I could go places. I could do things. Who knows? I might even rule the world someday.
Dennis: Rule the world, huh? Yeah, if that happens, I'll blow myself.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dennis: Real women don't even look like that.
Dee: Hey, guys!
Dennis: That (*points to Dee*) is what real women look like.
Mac: Dee, are you sick?
Dee: No! I feel great. I haven't been able to shower in a couple days. I've been gaming like a loon.
 • Rating: Unrated

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