Dan Humphrey Quotes
Rufus: Hey, whenever you are done with that "I'd do things differently" look, two things. One, I can't seem to nail Jenny down on what she wants to do for actual birthday.
Dan: I'll get it out of her.
Rufus: Good and two, what the hell are you still doing here?
Dan: (looks at the clock) Thank you!
Jenny: Well, I've never seen you give up so easily.
Dan: Can you not start with me?
Jenny: Can you not give me something to start with? Why are you taking his advice? He's old and alone.
Dan: What?
Jenny: Tell Serena again. Without the pregnancy scare in a quiet, without a distraction kind of way. But, then again, what do I know about romance or anything else?
Dan: No, no. Actually, Jen, that's a very good idea.
Jenny: What would you do without me?
Dan: Promise me I will find out one day?
Jenny: Uh-huh.
Serena: I never thought I was pregnant. The test was for Blair.
Dan: Yeah? But she just got back together with Nate.
(awkward pause)
Dan: Oh... then who?
Serena: Chuck.
Dan: Chuck? And Blair? Blair and Chuck? Then why isn't he the one buying the test?
Serena: Because...
Dan: Because he's an ass.
Serena: Who doesn't know.
Dan: Why not? I mean, there's no love lost between me and Chuck Bass, but he deserves to know.
Dan: Well, let's try this. Why don't you tell me what's on your mind. Then it can be on our minds. And our minds can worry about what's on your mind... together.
Serena: I have no idea what you just said.
Well, if you wanted to get the perfect shot of me feeling like an outsider, I'm ready for my close-up.
Chuck: Poor little Humphrey Dumpty. Look, let me clarify something for you. Regardless of who you're currently sleeping with, you and I come from different worlds. In my world, if I'm suspended or expelled, a wing is donated in the Bass name.
Dan: That sounds like quite a world.
Chuck: It's not perfect, I'll admit.
Serena: "What are you up to besides missing me?"
Dan: "Just wondering whether you were missing me."
Vanessa: So Dan, what will it be? Cheerios and Chaucer, or an illegal party at your prep school pool with your high society girlfriend and her nasty cohorts?
Dan: Dad? Vanessa and I are going out!
Hey, last time I checked, I still owed you a black eye. So, unless this is you coming to claim it, stay away from her.
Rufus: My son, the writer.
Alison: Published writer.
Jenny: Yeah, you got your dream girl and you're star of the New Yorker. Maybe you should just die now.
Dan: It's true. I may have peaked.
Serena: I noticed the other day that you don't wear a watch. And then it occurred to me it's because you don't have a watch. You're going to need one to be punctual for all the meetings with editors and publishers, now that you're fancy and, apparently, self-important writer... You don't like it. You want the band changed.
Dan: No! I love the band. I love the whole thing. It's the most amazing watch I've ever seen... but I can't accept this.
Serena: What? Yes, you can. Look, it's more of a gift for me because I had so much fun picking it out for you. You have to.
Dan: Serena, I buy a book for my dad every Christmas. I think the most elaborate gift I've ever given has been a pair of rubber boots from L.L. Bean.
Serena: So, then, I overdid it?
Dan: I think even when you're underdoing it, you're overdoing it.
Dan: Hey, Mrs. van der Woods... Lily, hi!
Lily: Dan. Jenny.
Jenny: Hi!
Lily: Tree!
Dan: Yeah, um, they don't allow Christmas trees inside... which is why we're out here.
Jenny: Which is why Dan wants to ask from you a favor.
Lily: Let me guess. Does it involve distracting Dexter while you sneak that into the elevator?
Dan: Why, would that work?
Lily: No. Never. He has the eyes of a hawk and he takes his job very seriously.
Dan: So, I've noticed.
Lily: But Bobby at the service entrance, I think could be bought. Come.
