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Dee: Dennis, you don't want to go anywhere near a court. How many bench warrants for sexual misconduct do you have? Yeah, and Frank, how many unregistered guns do you have in your car right now?
Frank: A lot.

Mac: I'm gonna smash this (vase of flowers) over their goddam heads!
Dennis: Yes, Mac! Yes! I'm gonna blast them with this fire extinguisher!
Charlie: Okay, I'll toss hot soup in their faces.
Frank: I'm gonna pinch their dicks with this lobster.

Frank: Thanks for coming. A little overdressed.
Dee: You said it was a classy affair, Frank
Frank: It was 'til you showed up.
Dee: You bitch!
Frank: Where are your 101 Dalmatians tonight?

Mac: Dennis, how does this make you feel?
Dennis: Powerful.
Mac: Yes, of course. But, how does it affect you sexually?
Dennis: I'm very aroused right now.
Mac: I, too, am aroused.
Frank: I'm startin' to swell up.

Mac's a soiled fool and I'm a gorgeous girl with big cans and I'm bangin' all the fisherman for their fish and I'm being catty with all the women in the game like a real housewife.

Charlie: What do we build?
Frank: We don't build anything. Leave that to the chinks! Speaking of
which, I want this sushi dinner to be the tits!
Charlie: Okay, so you want it to be really expensive.
Frank. No! No! I mean I want to eat it off some Jap broad's tits!

If we're gonna turn this company around, we gotta start cutting
the crust off this sh*t sandwich!

Charlie: Frank's taking me under his wing. Teach me how to swim with the sharks.
Dennis: Charlie can't read.
Frank: He'll adapt.
Dennis: He'll adapt to reading?

Frank: You're losing your mind. You're being scammed.
Dee: I'm losing my mind? How many pairs of shoes have you lost this month, Frank?
Frank: (looks down, sees his own bare feet) Three... four!

Dennis there was another twin in your mother's womb! We were gonna call him 'Donnie', but you and Deandra devoured him before he could be born! You gobbled him up!

Frank: I got my first kiss there. (stares off into the distance)
Therapist: Frank?
Frank (breaks down into tears): It was terrible. But not her. She was an angel. Always smiling... that's because she had no lips. But her mouth was still very much in play.
Therapist: Let's talk about the dishes.
Frank: She died two weeks later. She thought she was a spaceman with a plastic bag for a helmet.

Frank: I opened up to a therapist just once. I was a kid. I got into a fight. The doctor asked me question after question, got me so scrambled up. Next thing I know, I was shanghai'd upstate to a nitwit school. You know what a nitwit school is?
Therapist: I assume you mean a school for the mentally disabled.
Frank (spits pistachio shell): Yeah, not just for nuts in the head, but bodies, too. Back then science was real crude, they stuck us all together. My roommate was a frog-kid. You ever see a frog-kid?

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 101 in total

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Naked pics online? That's disgusting. On a website? There's so many of them though. Where? Which one?

Mac

Dennis: I am having feelings again. Like some kind of fourteen year old kid. You remember, feelings right?
Mac: Yeah. I have feelings every single day of my life.
Dennis: Do you?
Mac: Are you saying you don't have feelings?
Dennis: What I'm saying is a built up a shell.. a shell around myself. A cold, calculated shell that couldn't be broken by anything but marriage.

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