Dr. Melfi: So who's your friend? Pussy?
Tony: I'm confused.
Dr. Melfi: Is Pussy your friend?
Tony: Yeah.
Dr. Melfi: But that's the friend who was almost carried off by the ducks, right?
Tony: When you say pussy do you mean my friend Pussy or do you mean pussy?
Dr. Melfi: Whatever seems to be dominating your thoughts.
Tony: I got pussy on the brain. I always do.

Tony: I had a dream I fucked your brains out. Right on that desk, and you loved it.
Dr. Melfi: Well, you threw that at me like a rock.

(Tony mentions he's breaking it off with Irina)
Dr. Melfi: I'm interested in why you're ending it.
Tony: What do you mean why? Isn't that what I'm supposed to do? Aren't you telling me that all the time in here?
Dr. Melfi: I don't think I've ever passed judgment on your sex life or any patient's sex life.

Dr. Melfi: Some people take pleasure in the simple doing of things.
Tony: The things I take pleasure in, I can't do.

Tony: You know we're the only country where the pursuit of happiness is guaranteed in writing? Do you believe that? A bunch of fucking spoiled brats. Where's my happiness then?
Dr. Melfi: It's the pursuit that's guaranteed.
Tony: Yeah, always a fucking loophole.

(to Elliot on Tony) I'm living in a moral never never land with this patient. Not wanting to judge but to treat. But now I've judged, I took a position Goddamn it and I'm scared.

Dr. Melfi

Dr. Melfi: (on Christopher) Do you think he'll go to hell?
Tony: No. He's not the type that deserves hell.
Dr. Melfi: Who do you think does?
Tony: The worst people. The twisted and demented psychos who kill people for pleasure, the cannibals, the degenerate bastards that molest and torture little kids. They kill babies. The Hitlers. The Pol Pots. Those are the even fucks that deserve to die, not my nephew.
Dr. Melfi: What about you?
Tony: What? Hell? You been listening to me? No, for the same reasons. We're soldiers. Soldiers don't go to hell. It's war. Soldiers they kill other soldiers. We're in a situation where everyone involved knows the stakes and if your gonna accept those stakes you gotta do certain things. It's business. Soldiers. We follow codes, orders.

(to Tony) In your family, even motherhood is up for debate.

Dr. Melfi

Tony: (on AJ) He tells me he's got no purpose.
Dr. Melfi: And how did you answer him?
Tony: I told him that it costs 150 grand to bring him up so far, so if he's got no purpose I want a fucking refund.

Dr. Melfi: It sounds to me like Anthony Jr. may have stumbled onto existentialism.
Tony: Fucking Internet.

Dr. Melfi: Do you want to tell me what you're thinking?
Tony: Believe me you don't want to know. You want to know what I'm thinkin'. Seriously. I'm thinking I'd like to take a brick and smash your fucking face into fucking hamburger.
Dr. Melfi: Do you think making hamburger out of me would make you feel better?
Tony: Mother of Christ. Is this a woman thing? You ask me how I'm feeling. I tell you how I'm feeling and now you're going to torture me with it.

Dr. Melfi: Now that you found out that you have a retarded family member, do you feel better about coming here?
Tony: What?
Dr. Melfi: Is it permissable now? Is it enough of a sad tragedy that you can join the rest of the douchebags?

The Sopranos Quotes

(to Mahaffey) That's a shame. A medication comes along after your gambling gets your fucking hip busted to shit.

Big Pussy

Dr. Melfi: Have you ever had a prostate exam?
Tony: Are you kidding? I don't let anyone wag their finger in my face.