Have you never shacked up with a married man, really? Isn't that the whole reason I'm here?

The only reason we're together is because you decided to spend the last few months doing the Baroness Von Trapp.

Sami was the mother of my children and we could have made it if it weren't for you.

Lucas: What do you see in that wing nut?
Kate: Really? How many times have I said the same thing to you?

Lucas: If Justin doesn't appreciate you, that's on him.
Adrienne: Have I mentioned the hot attorney he's working with all day and night?

Yeah, that's me. The guy that women feel they can open up to, feel comfortable around, kind of like an old shoe.

Whatever gets you out of the haunted mansion as soon as possible.

Don't get your knickers in a knot because Paige followed your bossy little orders to the letter.

Theresa

Everyone seemed pretty happy. It wasn't like a Salem wedding at all.

Kate: You were at EJ and Sami's wedding. So how did that go? Any surprises?
Lucas: Like what?
Kate: Gee, I don't know. Locust, sexually explicit videos, semi-automatic weapons?

If I live to be one hundred, I will never understand women.

[to Nicole] I'm really sorry about the wedding. I know you were looking forward to saying, "I do" to Victor's fortune.