Hawley: She seems like a normal baby weight.
Malory: Yes, and everyone deserves a trophy just for showing up, and everyone's Kickstarter has merit. Ugh.

Now who wants an widdle ice chip! No? I suppose you'd prefer a nice big bottle of that liquid butter fat.

Mallory: You do realize this is a CIA agency?
Cyril: Ostensibly.

If I wanted to hear you people scream, I'd have you flown to a CIA black site in Morocco and listen to your torture session on speakerphone!

Slater: Everyone else, these are your dossiers. Read them on the way to Tunt Manor.
Cheryl: Tunt Manor! That's my house!
Slater: I know! (mimicking Cheryl's high voice) And because you know the property, you'll be posing as the listing agent.
Cheryl: Ahhhh! (squealing and clapping)
Mallory: Shut up!
Cheryl: Burn!

Slater: Just Slater, it's a mononym like...
Malory: Jesus Christ!
Slater: Nope

Lana Kane, you have known me for a long, long time. When have I ever been honest with Sterling?

Archer: How dirty do you think my junk is?!
Malory: As dirty as if it was made of dirt and then got dropped in some different dirt and then Pigpen came along and kicked it around with his dirty shoes.

Calm down, Colonel Panic.

Are you people paid by the word!?

Malory: I need some more ice. Oh, and a small bowl, a mirror, a needle and thread, and a straight razor.
Lana: You're not emasculating Krieger!

Tell me what's going on or I will literally emasculate you!

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Hawley: Awww screw me!
Archer: ...said Ripley to the android Bishop.