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Archer

Lana Kane, you have known me for a long, long time. When have I ever been honest with Sterling?

Archer: How dirty do you think my junk is?!
Malory: As dirty as if it was made of dirt and then got dropped in some different dirt and then Pigpen came along and kicked it around with his dirty shoes.

Calm down, Colonel Panic.

Are you people paid by the word!?

Malory: I need some more ice. Oh, and a small bowl, a mirror, a needle and thread, and a straight razor.
Lana: You're not emasculating Krieger!

Tell me what's going on or I will literally emasculate you!

So Gillette lands safely - I'm sure there's a joke in there about fairy dust - and then what happens?

Cyril: Archer! Alligators or your mother?
Archer: What's the difference? They're both cold-blooded, prehistoric monsters

Archer: Whatever happened to "Team Archer?"
Cyril: Please tell me that was never a real thing to you

And why are you dressed like the whore the rest of the trailer park finally decided they had to stone to death?

I took three Valium. If I get any more relaxed I will literally die.

WIC! It's like welfare but for babies. I don't know, I'm not a Democrat but I think they give you a birth cheese.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 103 in total

Archer Quotes

Hawley: Awww screw me!
Archer: ...said Ripley to the android Bishop.

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?

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