Archer: Where's Lana?
Krieger: I'm not even 100% sure where I am right now. (gets shot with a tranquilizer for the 3rd time by Archer)
Archer: (to tranquilizer gun) You are my new favorite thing

Pam: Pardon, but I'm supposed to-- (Queen slaps Pam)
Queen: Woman! I will kill you where you stand!
Cheryl: Which by law, I would be required to tell you if there was a murder in the house (pause) Ohhh, but if you're the murderer....That's what I love about this job. You learn something new every day.

Queen: Foolish woman! Where is the bathroom!?
Cheryl: Where isn't the bathroom? Am I right?

Why are your plans always so complicated? You're like Wyle E Coyote with access to predator drones.

Lana

Lana: And just so we're clear, he's the Prince of Duhan, an allied country.
Slater: Yeah, I'm gonna refer you back to "Because I said so."

Lana: First of all, your plan was too complicated!
Slater: Maybe for you people.
Archer: It had everything except a sign for free birdseed.

Slater: Everyone else, these are your dossiers. Read them on the way to Tunt Manor.
Cheryl: Tunt Manor! That's my house!
Slater: I know! (mimicking Cheryl's high voice) And because you know the property, you'll be posing as the listing agent.
Cheryl: Ahhhh! (squealing and clapping)
Mallory: Shut up!
Cheryl: Burn!

I am pushing. Swearzy realzies

Cheryl

Lem Kane: That's why I had to keep my secret. Can you imagine what that would mean to big oil or OPEC?
Archer: Well, there's no need to be racist.
Lana: How is the acronym for the organization of pertoleum exporting countries racist?
Archer: Oh, that's what it means?

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Lana's mom: What is it you're studying?
Archer: Um..Medeival-Slavic History
Lem Kane: Really? That must be fascinating
Archer: Well, everyone thinks that but---
Lem Kane: So tell me what are your thoughts on the Battle of Kosovo 1389
Archer: Um, no opinion (squirming his way through the answer)
Lem Kane: Not even as it relates to the rise of Serbian nationalism?
Archer: Um, nope? Also, that's a bit reductionist

Archer: Who gets into a hot tub naked with a stranger?
Lana: Because everybody? Because Berkley?!
Archer: How doese a whole city get a pass from acceptable behavior!

Cheryl: Oh please, you invented racism? Also, you're just a reconstructed light field produced by firing a razor through a beam splitter..
Krieger's artificial girlfriend: Waaaww!
Pam: Yeah dude, not cool..

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?