Lana: I'm going upstate for seer school
Cheryl: So take her with you!
Lana: To SURVIVAL school
Cherl: Big whoop. Hang her in a bear bag

You're kidding. How either in this universe or either of its infinite parallels could I possibly embarrass you?

Archer: Who the shit is that? (after hearing a knock on the door)
Barry: Is it Barry? Does that mean Barry possibly literally froze his nuts off in the wheel well of a 747 so he can murder the shit-eating Archer?.....Yes it does other Barry. Oh yes

Krieger: That's what they said about Tesla's deathray! So this favor. Lana...wait Lana, what's this favor?!
Lana: (as she's running away) Just promise to use your powers for good.
Krieger: Hahahah, no

Look, I know you're bitter cause you people can't get married or whatever but All You Can Eat Prime Ribs!

Edie

Barry: Said the dumbwaiter. Get it Archer? As in you're dumb and you dress like a waiter?
Pam: Told ya!
Archer: Goddamnit Pam! This is exactly what a man should wear to a (wedding)

Pam: I don't want a show up with a black eye.
Archer: Not a real diverse crowd?
Pam: Eye, idiot! Eye! Although no, not a lot of black guys in rural Wisconsin, and I don't want to sound racist but...
Archer: Power through it

What, Lana? Look at all the shit I had to pack. I don't know what I'm gonna be wearing for apres-montees. And Ray forgot the gum!

Lana: [to Archer] So will your feelings be super hurt if I bang him?
Ray: [from off-screen] Yes!!

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Crash: We head out at dawn
Archer: And that's AM?
Crash: As opposed to...?
Archer: PM Dawn?

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Lana: So how did you get the name Crash?
Crash: Oh it's a long story about me saving the lives of 8 other climbers right after an avalance
Lana and Ray (in unison): Sploosh

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Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?