Sheldon: Gee, Penny. Life's given me lemons, what should I do?
Penny: You could shove them somewhere.
Sheldon: Okay, now you're getting creative.

Oh, hey! Did you see that? I figured out how to open my door all by myself. Maybe I'll fling some feces around my cage to celebrate.

Sheldon: When I lost my father, I didn't have any friends to help me through it. You do.
Penny: I really thought he was going to say, "Let it go."

Penny: I don't want five dollars. I want my dignity.
Amy: So what are we talking about? Ten bucks?

Leonard: I'm telling you, you can't create love in a few hours. Right?
Penny: Careful. You're poking at the whole foundation of The Bachelor.

Leonard: And we weren't even watching TV! We were watching Netflix like the kids do!
Penny: Yeah! Is it a comedy? Is it a drama? Nobody knows!

Penny: See, this is why I've been saying we should keep champagne on ice.
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: That was tricky because when it comes to alcohol she generally means business.

Penny: I mean, who even reads Scientific American.
Leonard: It's kind of a big deal.
Penny: If it's such a big deal, how come the biggest celebrity they could get for the cover is a molecule?

Bernadette: Leonard makes you watch that [Game of Thrones] too?
Penny: No, no. I like that show. It's got dragons and people doing it.

Penny: What?! A few thousand people listen to you talk about nerd stuff?
Wil Wheaton: Again, right in the ears, straight to the feelings.

Penny: [knock, knock, knock] Sheldon! [knock, knock, knock] Sheldon! [knock, knock, knock] Sheldon!
Sheldon: I bet that started off as a joke, but by the third one, you realized there was something strangely enjoyable about it.
Penny: Yeah, I kind of want to do it again.
Sheldon: I don't recommend it, you'll be doing it the rest of your life.

Penny: Think we'll have time to visit your mom while we're there?
Leonard: Yes. We'll also have time to put my junk in a garlic press, but I'm not doing that either.

TBBT Quotes

Oh, Bernadette, please play my clarinet.

Raj's poem

Sheldon: I'll have a diet Coke.
Penny: Can you please order a cocktail? I need to practice mixing drinks.
Sheldon: Fine... I'll have a virgin Cuba Libre.
Penny: That's... rum and Coke without the rum.
Sheldon: Yes, and would you make it diet?