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It's so clear now. The entire school is shaped like a penis.

Professor Duncan/ ZimZam: So we can afford to create a new model of weaponized vehicle once a week, but we basically get minimum wage to risk our lives?
Dean Pelton/ Vice Cobra Assistant Commander: Well, welcome to Cobra, ZimZam! Maybe you noticed our logo was a snake? Suck it up, guys!

And you're going to pull a Dane Cook in one of those three movies he was in about Dane Cook getting laid by accident! Only, it's not a Dane Cook movie, Jeff, because this time, someone's watching.

She's everything I love about America--bold, opinionated, just past her peak, and starting to realize that she has to settle.

In England everything means 'vagina.'

Worried that your six-headed ball and chain will be calling?

You can expect both this class and my penis to be more focused and rewarding.

Yes, you heard me right. I have stopped drinking. May lead you to the fact that I could no longer get an erection. Now that I'm on the wagon, you can expect both this class and my penis to be more focused and rewarding.

Professor Duncan [to Señor Chang in shower]: I'm sorry, do you mind if we have this conversation in a room less with balls? [to naked man in shower]: Though i must say you're very comfortable
Señor Chang: You shouldn't be

Professor Duncan: Not to be all particular, but you're not a professor
Señor Chang: Maybe because I don't look like Ron Weasley
Professor Duncan: That's the reason, that's the qualifying factor

Professor Duncan: Good morning. How is student life, my dry-witted friend?
Jeff: Probably the same as teacher life, but less tragic, because I get to leave.
Professor Duncan: Very dry. Very witty. Not a great friend

Professor Duncan: I never should have let you into this lab, Miss Annie Fanny, panties in a bunch
Annie: Oh that's so hilarious, did you think of that last time you skipped a trip to the dentist?

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 13 in total

Community Quotes

Maintenance Guy: Sorry, routine light switch check.
Jeff: That is not a thing!

Stop being meta. Stop taking everything we do and shoving it up its own ass.

Jeff
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