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We'll definitely be back next year. If not, it'll be because an asteroid has destroyed all human civilization. And that's canon.

Abed

I teach law at Greendale, so believe me, I don't know much about law.

Jeff

It's so clear now. The entire school is shaped like a penis.

Professor Duncan

We're like Goonies, except our story tracks logically.

Abed

What does this look like? An hour-long episode of The Office?

Dean Pelton

Some people said he hid his money using a portal to another dimension. Those people were on LSD. Everyone else said that he had a secret vault in his office.

Dean Pelton

Jeff: I'm not dreaming about settling down.
Annie: Maybe you already have. You're teaching, you like it, you love Greendale--
Jeff: No, I love scotch and myself. I tolerate Greendale.

Hickey: If I come over there, there are gonna be two sounds: me hitting you...twice.

Subway Rep: So you're teaching Fundamentals of Law here?
Jeff: Yeah.
Subway Rep: Do you think you could make the transition to teaching Sandwich Law? It's essentially the same, I'm sure. Just a bit more focused.

Let's do what people do. Let's get a house we can't afford and a dog that makes us angry.

Jeff

I should go clean out my locker...she said at the age of 33.

Britta

Britta: What's an insurance appraiser?
Annie: Something that sounds normal and boring, but is actually scary, like a raised mole, or a turkey deep-fryer.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 873 in total

Community Quotes

I'm no sociopath, I always know what I'm doing is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like taking tests, doing work, and getting yelled at. So if you think about it, I'm the sanest person here.

Jeff

Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus.

Troy [reading the cake]