Lana: [to Archer] So will your feelings be super hurt if I bang him?
Ray: [from off-screen] Yes!!

  • Permalink:
  • Added:

Lana: So how did you get the name Crash?
Crash: Oh it's a long story about me saving the lives of 8 other climbers right after an avalance
Lana and Ray (in unison): Sploosh

  • Permalink:
  • Added:

Ray: Is this Brett's blood?
Cheryl: Ugh no, just the same type. We had to fudge it a little on the stains, some of which actually were fudge
Pam: And some of which merely resembled it

Ray: You thought I was dead?
Archer: Well, yeah, I just assumed...
Ray: And you didn't even take a moment!?

Cyril: If you finish that sentence, I'm going to rub cocaine in your eyes till you are blind.
Ray: Goddamn, Shawshank!

Ray: Besides keeping everybody up all night with your damn hootenannies...
Archer: Wait, that was a hootenanny?

Ray: This quit being funny two hours ago!
Krieger: It's not supposed to be funny.

If you'll excuse me, I have to remove my underwear with a blow torch.

Ray: Should you be smoking in here?
Lance: Should you be flaming in here? Boom, bumper.

Are you constantly aware you have regular leg bones?

Krieger: Do you ever want to walk again?
Gillette: No, because this way I never have to buy new shoes.
Krieger: Yeah, but is that worth it?

Gillette: Yes, I piss and shit in a bag.
Krieger: Me too!

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?