Archer

Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
Try it Now for Free and Instantly Watch Archer.

Ray: You thought I was dead?
Archer: Well, yeah, I just assumed...
Ray: And you didn't even take a moment!?

Cyril: If you finish that sentence, I'm going to rub cocaine in your eyes till you are blind.
Ray: Goddamn, Shawshank!

Ray: Besides keeping everybody up all night with your damn hootenannies...
Archer: Wait, that was a hootenanny?

Ray: This quit being funny two hours ago!
Krieger: It's not supposed to be funny.

If you'll excuse me, I have to remove my underwear with a blow torch.

Ray: Should you be smoking in here?
Lance: Should you be flaming in here? Boom, bumper.

Are you constantly aware you have regular leg bones?

Krieger: Do you ever want to walk again?
Gillette: No, because this way I never have to buy new shoes.
Krieger: Yeah, but is that worth it?

Gillette: Yes, I piss and shit in a bag.
Krieger: Me too!

Ray: Blow me.
Sterling: Why? You couldn't feel it.

Now it requires literal leg work, Ray. Like walking and maybe running. But hopefully not running because I'll be in brand new shoes.

Malory: Well, you're in charge here. I'm off to get a seaweed wrap.
Ray: I didn't know they made sushi with dried clams.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 34 in total

Archer Quotes

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?

Hawley: Awww screw me!
Archer: ...said Ripley to the android Bishop.