What, Lana? Look at all the shit I had to pack. I don't know what I'm gonna be wearing for apres-montees. And Ray forgot the gum!

Crash: We head out at dawn
Archer: And that's AM?
Crash: As opposed to...?
Archer: PM Dawn?

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Crash: I'm your guide, Crash McCarren. Um, I thought there were three of you.
Archer: One of us is weeping in the car.

Slater: Just Slater, it's a mononym like...
Malory: Jesus Christ!
Slater: Nope

After he literally stabbed me. In the back!

Lana: And what operation is the CIA conducting in Argentina
Slater: Sorry. It's operation nunya---
Lana: I---
Archer: As in beeswax, Lana. (mimicks a PA system) Dr. Kane, report to the burn unit.

Archer: I'm talking about us flying on the same plane, Lana. What if it crashed?
Lana: Then I wouldn't have to had to watch you pound 20 drinks and talk the stewardess into a hand job?

Oh good, you're making tea? Because, I could use some with honey and lemon...and bourbon. Actually, without the honey and lemon... and the tea.

Japanese soldier: There are no buildings in the jungle big enough to hold a computer
Archer: No, they're really small now. I think you guys actually did that.

Well, I hope you're happy because I feel like a total dick, and kind of a racist. And I resent you making me feel like that...because I'm not a racist.

Japanese Soldier: You cannot shirk your duties!
Archer: Yes, I can. I do it all the time

Lana, am I just now coming out of a coma from when I drowned saving your life eight months ago?

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?