Tony Soprano Quotes
(to Richie) I fuckin' hate the way you make me ride you!
Tony: You know we're the only country where the pursuit of happiness is guaranteed in writing? Do you believe that? A bunch of fucking spoiled brats. Where's my happiness then?
Dr. Melfi: It's the pursuit that's guaranteed.
Tony: Yeah, always a fucking loophole.
Tony: What do you wanna talk about?
Richie: Fucking Dick Barone!
Tony: Well, as long as the two of you are happy.
Tony: If I'm going to lam it, I'm going with a fucking package. I'm not going to be like fucking Mickey Mazucco. The poor prick only had five minutes to run. He ended up in some rat infested motel down in Elvis country.
Furio: What is that?
Paulie: Anywhere there are no Jews or Italians.
Furio: I don't get it.
(to police) On your way out do you think you can roll the garbage down the hill? Tomorrow is pick up day.
Paulie: There's no denying it, I'm dragging a bunch of fucking ghouls around with me and Mikey is their fucking ringleader.
Tony: Paulie, think about it. You whacked a bunch of heavy hitters in your time. Do you think they're going to join together and follow that prick Mikey?
Dr. Melfi: (on Christopher) Do you think he'll go to hell?
Tony: No. He's not the type that deserves hell.
Dr. Melfi: Who do you think does?
Tony: The worst people. The twisted and demented psychos who kill people for pleasure, the cannibals, the degenerate bastards that molest and torture little kids. They kill babies. The Hitlers. The Pol Pots. Those are the even fucks that deserve to die, not my nephew.
Dr. Melfi: What about you?
Tony: What? Hell? You been listening to me? No, for the same reasons. We're soldiers. Soldiers don't go to hell. It's war. Soldiers they kill other soldiers. We're in a situation where everyone involved knows the stakes and if your gonna accept those stakes you gotta do certain things. It's business. Soldiers. We follow codes, orders.
Tony: (about a vasectomy) Well whatever is down here is God's creation. Isn't it a sin to undo the good work he's done?
Carmela: Well you should know. You've made a living of it.
(to Matt) That sugarless motherfucker, it's the last fucking drink you're ever gonna have.
(to Carmela) You're only religious when it suits you.
Meadow: There are more Nobel Prize winners in the San Francisco bay area than anywhere on the planet.
Tony: Nobel Prize for what? Packing fudge?
(to Dr. Melfi) I gave my little daughter a car to rub her face in shit, and you're telling me I did something noble.
