Bobby: (on Catherine) She seems all right.
Junior: What the hell would we talk about? Bunions? You know how I feel about feet.

Livia: It's not easy being abandoned, is it?
Junior: Look to yourself.

I'm not a cat. I don't shit in a box.

Some people are so far behind in the race that they actually believe they're leading.

It hurts like the fuckin' "Pit and the Pendulum" just to wipe myself.

Judge Greenspan: Mr. Soprano, do you have a problem with wearing an electronic bracelet?
Junior: It sounds like Nazi Germany to me.
Judge Greenspan: Obviously you need a history lesson, sir.

My father told me to never get old. I should have listened to him.

Junior: A Chinaman goes to see the eye doctor. After the exam the doctor said, "I know why you're having trouble." The Chinaman says, "why?" Doctor said, "you have a cataract." Chinaman says, "no, I have a Rincoln Continental." (short pause) You don't get it?
Bobby: I get it. He drives a Lincoln Continental. What?

When I was a little kid, no older than that, I always used to wonder why nobody collected prayer cards like they collected baseball cards. Thousands of bucks for Honus Wagner and jack shit for Jesus.

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