Livia: It's not easy being abandoned, is it?
Junior: Look to yourself.

I'm not a cat. I don't shit in a box.

Bobby: (on Catherine) She seems all right.
Junior: What the hell would we talk about? Bunions? You know how I feel about feet.

Some people are so far behind in the race that they actually believe they're leading.

It hurts like the fuckin' "Pit and the Pendulum" just to wipe myself.

Judge Greenspan: Mr. Soprano, do you have a problem with wearing an electronic bracelet?
Junior: It sounds like Nazi Germany to me.
Judge Greenspan: Obviously you need a history lesson, sir.

Junior: A Chinaman goes to see the eye doctor. After the exam the doctor said, "I know why you're having trouble." The Chinaman says, "why?" Doctor said, "you have a cataract." Chinaman says, "no, I have a Rincoln Continental." (short pause) You don't get it?
Bobby: I get it. He drives a Lincoln Continental. What?

My father told me to never get old. I should have listened to him.

When I was a little kid, no older than that, I always used to wonder why nobody collected prayer cards like they collected baseball cards. Thousands of bucks for Honus Wagner and jack shit for Jesus.

We don't run, it's embarrassing.

Uncle Junior: I don't go down often enough.
Carmela: That's not what I hear.

If you can't get your friends jobs, what's the purpose of attaining success?

The Sopranos Quotes

Psychiatry and cunnilingus brought us to this!

Tony

Christopher: Let that one (points to Sandra Bernhard) call that one (points to Janeane Garofalo) "buchiach."
Janeane Garofalo: That sounds more interesting.
Director: Uh, buch- what?
Christopher: Buchiach. (motions to Sandra) If she's from Brooklyn...
Janeane Garofalo: That sounds okay.
Jon Favreau: Okay, let's roll. What does it mean?
Christopher: Cunt.
Jon Favreau: Cunt-I like that.