Vanessa: When are you gonna realize that you were a better person until the day you asked Serena out four years ago?
Dan: When are you going to realize that I had a better life before you climbed up my fire escape four years ago?

Vanessa: I always thought Serena was the reason you fell into the Upper East Side. But it was more than that.
Dan: Vanessa, seriously, this is none of your business.
Vanessa: You always wanted in. Maybe more than Jenny.
Dan: Of course the irony is, is that if I ever show it to anyone it'll guarantee my outsider status forever.

Vanessa: This could be the best satire on the Upper East Side since Bonfire of the Vanities. How long have you been working on this?
Dan: Five years, off and on.

Dan: I had Charlie but she slipped away.
Vanessa: She's gotta be around here somewhere.
Georgina: I'm sorry. She's a part of the gang but I'm not?

Serena: You know maybe I should be the one to tell Dan what's going on. At least he considers me a friend, which is more than you can say right now.
Vanessa: And who's fault is that?
Serena: Yours.

Serena: You know this isn't her fault. She needs help. The last time that this happened she ended up wandering through the snow in her bare feet.
Vanessa: Yeah. After she Single White Female'd her college roommate.
Serena: Rufus said the girl's boyfriend led her on.
Vanessa: Fine. She's in your dress with your ex. But if you're so concerned about Charlie you find her and I'll find Dan.

Serena: Well at least now we know why Charlie's been acting so unbalanced.
Vanessa: Yeah. Because she is.

Vanessa: You didn't need to have your cousin make me look like a crazy, jealous bitch to Dan.
Serena: Oh you don't need any help with that.
Vanessa: She said I manipulated her to ruin Rufus' business dinner. You're telling me that innocent cousin Charlie came up with that by herself?
Serena: I'm saying you probably did whatever she said you did. If Charlie's fighting back, good for her. She's learning.

Vanessa: So all my heartfelt attempts to save our friendship had no impact, but the aroma of cheese and dough turned you instantly sentimental?
Dan: They do say that sense of smell is most associated with memory.

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