No no no no. By all means, I apologize. I apologize for having a job. I'm sorry I make a substantial income to pay for your green-grocer, small-batched, locally-sourced, farm-to-table, ethically-butchered, hormone-free, gluten-intolerant bills. But. Here's the thing. I don't work, my kids don't go to school, so if you want to call and tell me tuition is free, I'd be happy to be here for story time and Arbor Day and kids' court and snack bar and talent night and the nose-picking Olympics and every other bullshit holiday that costs me a fortune, but if you're not gonna tell me it's free, then I gotta work. Because I'm a working mother with a boatload of mouths to feed. Is there anything else you'd like to discuss pertaining to my children? Don't call me in here again.

Lyla