You're my brother. I'm not gonna give up on you. I never will.

Stefan

Come on, Damon. You think I'm afraid of a Ripper? I invented the word.

Stefan

You slept with the guy who killed my mom. What's a fair amount of time for me to get past that?

Tyler

Young hybrid beats old vampire every time.

Tyler

Caroline: You compelled him again?
Nadia: And they say blondes are dumb.

At the end of the day, she's still your mom and you love her.

Nadia

Chang: Hey! Those guys in there told me that you're the one that died in a fire and you're a ghost!
Janitor: And you just believed 'em? You just believed a bunch of ghosts??

And you're going to pull a Dane Cook in one of those three movies he was in about Dane Cook getting laid by accident! Only, it's not a Dane Cook movie, Jeff, because this time, someone's watching.

Professor Duncan

She's everything I love about America--bold, opinionated, just past her peak, and starting to realize that she has to settle.

Professor Duncan

You're not the Marco Polo of bullying me. You're just another tourist taking pictures of a great big wall.

Abed

Abed: If you were a post-apocalyptic survivor--
Professor Hickey: I would raise goats, hoard cinnamon, and only travel at night. But please--I have some work to do here.

I'm going to crash the premiere of the Kickpuncher reboot dressed as classic Kickpuncher. They shouldn't have redesigned that costume. Keep your heads in the sand if you want.

Abed