Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer

Archer: For what it's worth, we all kinda liked you the way you were.
Pam: Really?
Archer: Well, we hated you less. You kinda turned into a ginormous asshole.

How hot am I now? Let me answer that for you. AS BALLS.

Pam

Pam: That's pretty ironic, huh?
Archer: No Pam, once again you're confusing the word "ironic" with "you are an idiot!"

Pam: Oh my God, I can't feel my face!
Archer: Gee Pam, I wonder if that has anything to do with your cocaine-only diet!

Pam: I switched the coke in Little Rock, cause I was worried that...
Archer: That because of your fat blabbering mouth, Lana would get caught with it and have to have her baby in prison, OR because you were low on cupcakes!?

People who like you because you have cocaine aren't people you want as friends, Pam! And not to sound elitist, but neither are people who need a roll of quarters to take a shower!

We're talking about Texas. Somebody somewhere wants enough cocaine to forget they live there.

That's gotta be a real knee to the old emotional nut sack.

Pam

Ray: This quit being funny two hours ago!
Krieger: It's not supposed to be funny.

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