Wig Shop Employee: Are you going to buy this time, or are you just curious?
Tobias: I suppose I'm buy-curious ... I have a big TV opportunity.
Wig Shop Employee: Well, this is where all the big TV's come.

Michael: Don't I look kind of British?
British Clerk: Perhaps if you're willing to lose twenty pounds.
Narrator: The clerk was asking for a bribe, but this was lost on Michael.
Michael: You guys do go for the jugular.

Has anyone in this family ever even seen a chicken?

Michael

Michael: We've got a picture of you with Saddam Hussein.
George Sr.: I thought that was the guy who played the Soup Nazi. I told him how much I liked his work!

George Sr.: You've got to get me out of here.
Michael: You're the one that said no to prison.
George Sr.: I was wrong. There, you just have to shut your eyes and take it. Here, you have to shut your eyes and give it.

Lindsay: You haven't had a serious relationship since your wife, and you guys weren't even speaking towards the end.
Michael: A lot of that was the coma.
Lindsay: Yeah, I've heard your side of it.

Michael: I'm amazed Dad hasn't strangled himself with his belt yet.
Lucille: Oh, we're into all kinds of freaky stuff.
Michael: Why do I eat breakfast before I come here?

Lucille: He's just jealous that I have a man back in my life. And guess what else is back?
Michael: My breakfast?
Lucille: My friskiness. Mama horny, Michael.
Michael: No, it's my breakfast.

Buster: Mother, have you seen my rubber hand?
Lucille: It's in the dishwasher. Your father and I were using it for something.
Buster: Oh for God's sake! Can't you keep my hand to yourself?

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