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Turn your greatest weakness into your greatest strength. Like Paris Hilton re her sex tape.


What I’m obsessed with is how you’re bungling this investigation. They should write a song about it called “Welcome to the Bungle.”


His name is Cohn. C as in captain, O as in overlooked.


Savant: It was like taking candy from a baby.
Terry: Why are you giving candy to a baby in the first place? Don’t give candy to a baby! They can’t brush their teeth!

The inside of your cheeks are very sensitive. It’s like the inside of your thighs, but with tongue.


Boon: Let New York’s bravest handle it.
Jake: You know they only call you that because “New York’s Best at Spraying Stuff with Water” was too wordy.

Actually, someone reported that they couldn’t find your head. But we found it; it was up your butt. You’re a fireman, you should know how to treat that burn.


Jake: Amy searched for “Daniel craig hands + close-up”
Amy: You should talk, you searched for “cheapest date possible.”
Jake: And I wear that search like a badge of honor.

Jake: Sargeant Jeffards search the internet for, “undiscovered muscle.”
Terry: I was working out and saw a muscle in my shoulder that I’d never seen before. I thought it might have been a scientific discovery.

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