I'd give you a hug, but right now my body has the structural integrity of a chocolate souffle.


Terry: Jake! Are you okay!?
Jake: No, Sarge, I got hit by a car!

Amy: All I wanted to do was impress Captain Holt, and you know what, it didn't matter. It didn't matter that we were late, it didn't matter that I was chill, it didn't matter that the rats ate my salad.
Gina: Oh no, I definitely saw them running away from it.

Holt: Are your bosoms tender?
Rosa: I'm gonna pretend you didn't ask me that.
Holt: Are your senses heightened?
Rosa: I think I might be pregnant, not bitten by a radioactive spider.

Amy, all your cooking stinks, why would you even get involved with tuna and eggs?


Terry: You wiped out hard.
Jake: It wasn't so much a wipe out as it was a controlled power fall.

Jake: I wish you hadn't read that Annie Leibowitz book.
Charles: Quit calling it a book! It was a visual journey!

You are the most incompetent detectives I've ever seen. And I'm including the bomb-sniffing dog who keeps humping all the bombs!


If you guys won't help me, I'll just get myself off! Context. Context was important on that one.


Go home, have a beer and smash something. That's what I would do.


Rosa: Wow, you've pissed off a lot of people.
Jake: Well, that's what happens when you live out loud.

Rosa: You never told me Sinbad lived in your building.
Jake: If Sinbad lived in my building, I'd have a tattoo on my head that said "Sinbad lives in my building".