Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Sundays 8:30 PM on FOX
Brooklyn nine nine
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Amy: I've been waiting to hear you say that all day long...
Jake: I know.
Amy: Which is why you shouldn't say it.
Jake: What?
Amy: You're still trying to make people happy. Don't apologize to me. Be a leader and tell me what you need me to do. Tell everyone what you need them to do. You're the Captain, Jake.
Jake: I'm the Captain now... Captain Phillips!
Amy: Captain Phillips!
Jake: That's what it was! Look at me!

Jake: I know you're too proud to say "I told you so" so I'm just gonna...
Amy: Told you so! Not too proud.
Jake: Yeah... Seems right.

I made number 2. I hear it. Why would I say that?!


Jake: I'm as serious as a heart attack. No offense Scully.
Scully: Eh! Mine are never that serious. I call them "oopsies."

I'm the king of respectfulness, bitches!


I guess it's officially over. It was slightly less gross than expected. Way to be.


Not to overstate, but I'm definitely going to die alone and work is all I have.


Capt. Holt: Because you're royally screwing up!
Amy: Oh no! This isn't a pow wow. It's a haraunging!
Capt. Holt: It is! Stop trying to tank this election. You know damn well, you'd make a great Union Rep!

Sophia: I can't believe I had sex with a cop. It's like I had sex with Hans Gruber.
Jake: You're the Gruber!
(courtroom stares)
Jake: Die Hard

Terry: You slept with a defense attorney! You literally had sex with the enemy!
Jake: I know! It's like if John McClane had sex with Hans Gruber or WORSE Jeremy Irons from the third one!

I'm about to Olivia Pope this sitch!


Captain Holt: You're going to leave my precinct and my task force alone. Or else, you're "Wuntch" meat.
Jake: You sure you wanna go with that one?
Captain Holt: Absolutely. It's hilarious.

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