Brooklyn Nine-Nine

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Brooklyn nine nine
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The stamps were on me. I was curious about how old glue tasted. Answer, like a horse lollipop.

Boyle

Imagine a letter had unprotected sex with a phone...

Boyle

Her mind finally snapped, like a stale breadstick.

Gina

Jake: You got it. You're my friend and I won't let you down. I'm gonna push you up, just like a bra.
Rosa: What?
Jake: Nah, I meant brassiere, which is totally different!
Rosa: Come on man.
Jake: Not better... Here we go!
Boyle: Here we go!

Amy: I've been waiting to hear you say that all day long...
Jake: I know.
Amy: Which is why you shouldn't say it.
Jake: What?
Amy: You're still trying to make people happy. Don't apologize to me. Be a leader and tell me what you need me to do. Tell everyone what you need them to do. You're the Captain, Jake.
Jake: I'm the Captain now... Captain Phillips!
Amy: Captain Phillips!
Jake: That's what it was! Look at me!

Jake: I know you're too proud to say "I told you so" so I'm just gonna...
Amy: Told you so! Not too proud.
Jake: Yeah... Seems right.

I made number 2. I hear it. Why would I say that?!

Boyle

Jake: I'm as serious as a heart attack. No offense Scully.
Scully: Eh! Mine are never that serious. I call them "oopsies."

I'm the king of respectfulness, bitches!

Jake

I guess it's officially over. It was slightly less gross than expected. Way to be.

Gina

Not to overstate, but I'm definitely going to die alone and work is all I have.

Jake

Capt. Holt: Because you're royally screwing up!
Amy: Oh no! This isn't a pow wow. It's a haraunging!
Capt. Holt: It is! Stop trying to tank this election. You know damn well, you'd make a great Union Rep!

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