So you choose your dad over me, a co-worker who hates you?


Captain Holt: But I am still planning to get some retribution. I got her a parting gift.
Rosa: Tickets to "Wicked?"
Captain Holt: In Boston. She's moving to a second class city and I wanted to rub her nose in it. Enjoy the understudies Madeline. Have fun watching some chubby Chenowith knockoff warble her way through "Popular."

Wuntch: I'm here on important business. I'm a frontrunner for a job in Boston P.D.
Captain Holt: Boston... But it's so close to Salem. You know what they do to witches up there, don't you?
Rosa: This is amazing.

Hoytsman: Okay, it was cocaine! Turns out I was accidentally doing some cocaine.
Jake: Not on accident. You put it in your nose on purpose.
Hoytsman: I don't even think I have a nose Peralta! I certainly cannot feel it. The defense rests!

Amy: So, you think we can laugh about me poisining you?
Capt. Holt: Yes, I do. Someday. Perhaps over street meat. (chuckles)
Amy: Sir, did you just laugh?
Capt. Holt: Uproariously.
Amy: Oh my God! It's happening!

Rosa: You're back so soon. Did you catch your guy?
Capt. Holt: No. He was dead, so I'll never catch him. Oh, Amy bought us tainted meat and now I have diarrhea.

Amy: So, who was your partner back when you caught the Brooklyn Broiler?
Capt. Holt: Mark Ormancup. He was a great partner-smart, loyal, homophobic, but not racist. In those days, that was pretty good.

Sgt. Terry: It's nice to have someone to share this secret with. I'm pregnant man!
Jake: We're pregnant, we because I convinced you not to have a vasectomy. So, if it wasn't for me, you'd have no penis.
Sgt. Terry: You still don't know what a vasectomy is.

Jake: (in a faux British accent) Any smile longer than a second and a half is a conman's ruse.
Capt. Holt: I said it and I meant it!

Jake: I've never seen Capt. Holt that upset before. He's like a sad block of granite.
Boyle: How do you cheer up granite?

Separate parties. Separate but equal. Forget I said that phrase!


Say boo again and I will shoot you in the stomach.