Rebecca: How do you do it? How do you just pretend like he doesn't exist?
Holly: I know he exists. I'm just glad he doesn't exist here.

Sarah: Everybody grab a chair and assume your usual positions. Oh, except for Justin. We decided to let you sit at the big person's table this year.
Justin: Yes, I made it. (hugs Saul) Uncle Saul, I made it.

Sarah: You know, everybody in this building is on some kind of drug, and we can't even drink. That's not fair.
Robert: And that's not sparkling cider.

Kitty: Every thanksgiving, when mom asks Kevin if he would like a piece of pie, Kevin always says the same thing and then he proceeds to eat half of the pie all by himself. So here's to Kevin, who this year, gave new meaning to the phrase, "Oh, just a sliver."
Kevin: That is the worst, most tasteless toast I have ever heard.

Justin: Look, you gotta put a good face on this, right? Just act like this'll be fun. You know, it's you and mom hanging out on thanksgiving, you know, a couple single girls, ladies' night, you know? That way she won't freak out on us.
Sarah: I hope you all get salmonella and die.

Scotty: You're an attorney ...
Kevin: Not if I'm on life support. As my husband, you'd be charged with pulling the plug or not.
Scotty: Okay, this is all starting to get a little too real.
Kevin: It's a good thing we are married. If it was up to my mother, she'd never pull the plug and I'd be a vegetable for all eternity.

Kevin: Hopefully I'll just end up with a scar and nothing else.
Scotty: I like scars. I think they're sexy.

Nora: If you guys don't take some of this food it's all going to go to waste. How about some onions-
Justin: Mom, Holly already has all this stuff.
Nora: Well how about a turkey? Tell her it's a gift from me.
Justin: Mom she doesn't want your used turkey.
Nora: It's not used. It's brand new. It has no cooties.
Justin: It's more about the psychological cooties.

This hospital has the worst food I ate. It's not even food. It's some horrible facsimile of food.

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