Chuck Season 2 Episode 21: "Chuck Versus the Colonel" Quotes
Roark: Oh, great, gang's all here. Only fair that a son should see the results of his father's labor. Of course, if this doesn't work, I'm afraid I have to go back to that bit where I kill everybody.
Chuck: What if it does work?
Roark: If it does work? Same result, but, you know, you should root for it, I mean, nobody likes a cynic.
Casey: Going somewhere, Bartowski?
Chuck: No, no, we came back here for you because FULCRUM's here!
Casey: Well, then, we better get out of here.
Chuck: I'm not leaving without Sarah.
Casey: You drive, or I end you.
Chuck: End me? Oh yeah, how you gonna do that; you don't have a gun.
Casey: Don't think I can't kill you with my thumb or my elbow? Nerd bludgeoned by a radiator?
Chuck: You can't kill me with that radiator; it is far too confined in this car for you to get the appropriate torque.
Casey: Strangle you with this handcuff chain?
Chuck: Yeah, yeah, you could probably do that.
Chuck: I'll, I'll sleep on the floor.
Sarah: No, it's okay.
(Sarah jumps into bed, while Chuck turns off the TV)
Chuck: Why are you doing this?
Sarah: Because the floor is gross and I'm not gonna make you sleep on it.
Chuck: No, I mean why are you here, risking everything that you worked so hard for?
Sarah: Because after everything that you've done for this country, you deserve to find your father, to get the Intersect out your head and to have a chance at a normal life.
Chuck: Thank you.
Sarah: You don't have to thank me, it's my job to protect you.
Chuck: What about when it's not your job? What happens to us then?
Sarah: One mission at a time, Chuck.
Beckman: The safety of the Intersect is no longer my main concern. I want you to hunt Agent Walker and the asset down. Bring them back, dead or alive.
Casey: Understood, General.
Beckman: Once the Intersect is in our possession this mission will be over and you will have your pick of assignments. Your country thanks you, Colonel Casey. Congratulations. You've earned it.
Emmett: Friends... (giggles) I wish people in our line of work could afford friends. That's just one of the sacrifices of upper management!
(He giggles and spins in his chair)
Morgan: Yeah well, Big Mike is my friend, and I never would have betrayed him if you hadn't tricked me.
Emmett: Really? Do all your friends give your mother urinary tract infections? Listen, Grimes. I am offering you a cup of the corporate ladder. Now, I need a new assistant manager. (He leans in) Will you be my "ass man"?
Jeff: You wanna see something really freaky? (They break into Casey's locker) Dude keeps a Chuck diary.
Lester: Bathroom visits. And duration.
Jeff: Keys, duct tape, high-grade chloroform.
Devon: Whoa.
Jeff: From one stalker to another, I'm impressed.
Devon: You guys think this has something to do with Chuck missing?
Lester: I don't care.
Jeff: No clue. You mind if I, uh, get right? (He takes a hit of chloroform and passes out)
(Seeing surveillance of Devon locked-down in his apartment) I hate this whole family!
Casey
Stephen: There is one request.
Roark: Anything that won't inconvenience me is fine. I don't care.
Stephen: Leave my family alone.
Roark: You say I'm not invited to the wedding?
Stephen: How did you know?
Roark: I'm involved in a major conglomerate of bad guys. Few details escape me.
Casey: I think your father has served our country honorably and deserves to attend his daughter's wedding.
Sarah: Is that a yes?
Casey: One condition. (Nods at Chuck) He stays in the car.
Sarah: Agreed.
Chuck: Done. Hey, hey, the team's back together again. Group hug!
Casey: One more step and it will be your last. No hugs.
Chuck: In the car I go.
Jeff: (as Morgan walks in) I smell bacon. Anyone else smell pig?
Lester: I seem to detect the odor of the forbidden meat.
Morgan: Okay, knock it off. Listen to me, guys; we need to apologize to Emmett for blowing the power. Otherwise he is going to can you.
Jeff: Nice try. Get us to apologize so we look like asses, lose all our street cred.
Casey: Impersonating military officials is a federal offense numb-nuts.
Chuck: Put it on the list.
Devon: Chuck, Chuck, this is crazy, we've gotta call the police!
Chuck: Devon, we can't do that. Here, drink this.
Devon: He tried to kill me! Why can't we call the cops?
Chuck: Because I am the cops.
Sarah: Chuck!
Casey: Moron.
Chuck: Devon, I am a high level CIA asset and these are my handlers. For the past two years they've had to watch and protect my every move.
Sarah: Chuck, no!
Chuck: (Looks at Sarah) He can handle it. (Looks back at Devon) You can handle this, right? Tell me you can handle this.
Devon: You're being serious? (To Sarah) He's being serious?!?
Chuck: Devon, I need you to help me, I need you to be cool about this. I need you to cover for me with Ellie. I need you...to be awesome. Can you be awesome?
Devon: (In shock) You're a spy, Chuck?
Chuck: Yeah; more or less, yeah.
Devon: Whoa. Wow! This is... awesome! Hehe, yeah! I knew you weren't a loser who worked at the Buy More!
Chuck: Loser is a little...that's a little harsh. Ok, here-- here's the thing: the Buy More, actually, uh, is real.
