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Oh my god, Pierce is going to be the only person ever to drown in a parking lot... twice.


Congratulations, you failed a class so easy that people passing in the hallway get contact credit.


I hope I get multiple personalities. I get lonely in long showers.


Jeff: Guess where Rich is from?
Britta: Couldn't have been crazy town because you would have gone to high school together.

Thanks but I'll have to get a second opinion from someone in my basket weaving class.


Britta: Someone's mom gave them way too much praise.
Jeff: Man, so did someone's psych teacher.

Shirley: I've never been a captain before.
Pierce: I have I commanded a jet ski through an electrical storm and only had one casualty.
Troy: Jet skis only hold two people.
Pierce: Exactly, I saved half the crew.

Shirley: I was going to sign up for a class to make an online dating profile, but sailing in the parking lot sounds less pathetic.
Troy: A black person on a sailboat? I gotta see this. I'm in.

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