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Community

Jeffrey, your preparation was impeccable. You remind me of a young me, with slightly worse hair.

Professor Whitman

While you're under so deep, you'll find yourself attracted to... slightly older men. Perhaps some barrel-chested stud with just enough tummy to love. You want to buy him dinner then go back to his hot tub. Perhaps you'll invite one of your friends to join us for a three-way. Maybe someone with low self-esteem and slightly larger breasts.

Pierce [during Britta's hypnosis]

Annie: What's wrong?
Jeff: There's this weird pain right above my eyebrow.
Annie: It's called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.

Abed: That's my newspaper.
Shirley: What do you need the paper for? You knew what was going to happen yesterday, you Middle Eastern magic 8-ball.

Professor Whitman: A little trick for achieving the proper competitive mindset: I always envision my opponent having aggressive sex with my mother

Greendale needs a win. The best compliment our sports program gets is that our basketball team is really gay.

Dean Pelton

Jeffrey, as debate coach, I am offering you an opportunity to spend the night drinking from the cup of life rather than romancing your nether regions in front of the E! channel

Professor Whitman

Dean: What's it gonna take? A plum park space, free meals, a night of companionship, if you know what I mean?
Jeff: I'll do it for the parking space and if you promise not to tell mean what you mean

Pierce [to Britta]: Have you thought about hypnotherapy? I know a great hypno therapist
Jeff [to Britta]: Ten to one says it's him

Displaying all 9 quotes

Community Season 1 Episode 9 Quotes

Dean: What's it gonna take? A plum park space, free meals, a night of companionship, if you know what I mean?
Jeff: I'll do it for the parking space and if you promise not to tell mean what you mean

Pierce [to Britta]: Have you thought about hypnotherapy? I know a great hypno therapist
Jeff [to Britta]: Ten to one says it's him

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