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Jeff: You started having sex with Britta's ex-boyfriend!
Annie: What? We haven't even kissed.
Pierce: That doesn't mean you're not having sex.

Pierce: What's the matter? Mama Chang didn't breast feed?
Chang: "She read in a book that it wouldn't make a difference.

My brother died on the set of that movie! One of the mechanical spiders just went haywire and tore him to pieces, and Tom Selleck just stood there and watched him die.

Pierce

That's G, the most important chord. In my mind, it stands for God.

Vaughn

Actually, everyone is my bro in the whole entire universe because everything is connected. Rocks... eagles... hats.

Vaughn

When you guys first came in we were as wholesome and healthy as the family in The Brady Bunch. And now we're as dysfunctional and incestuous as the cast of The Brady Bunch.

Abed

Okay, if you're going to get all Upper East Side about this I think we're done.

Britta

I am Punch-Kicker. My punches have the strength of kicks.

Punch-Kicker

What are you, my third wife's therapist?

Pierce
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