Desperate Housewives Season 1 Quotes
Susan: You can afford a cabin but you can't scrape up child support?
Karl: The check's in the mail.
Susan: Uh...[checks mailbox] No, it's not
After I died, I began to surrender the parts of myself that were no longer necessary. My desires, beliefs, ambitions, doubts, every trace of my humanity was discarded. I discovered when moving through eternity, it helps to travel lightly. In fact, I held onto only one thing. My memory. It's astonishing to look back on the world I left behind. I remember it all, every single detail. Like my friend, Bree Van De Kamp, I remember the easy confidence of her smile, the gentle elegance of her hands, the refined warmth of her voice, but what I remember most about Bree, is the look of fear in her eyes Bree had started to realize her world was unraveling, and for a woman who despised loose ends, that was unacceptable
Mary Alice
Susan: You know what? I don't need an apology! I don't need anything from you!
Karl: You're humiliating yourself!
Susan: No, you're the one who's been humiliated, Karl. Why don't you see that? You walked out on your family! People think you're scum, not me! So worry about yourself! I'm okay with me! I can walk down the street and hold my head high!
Susan: Thanks for helping me break in. Do you think it's gonna be hard to replace that screen?
Mike: Well that depends. Nail it in yourself, you might wanna wear gloves. Or pants. Pants wouldn't hurt.
Susan: Okay. I know what just happened is funny, in theory, but I am nowhere near ready to laugh about it. So please, no jokes.
Bree: Hey, where've you been?
Mike: Um, Susan had a problem finding something to wear. Oh, was that the kinda thing you meant?
Susan: Pretty much
Karl: The heart wants what it wants.
Susan: Well, my heart wants to hurt you, but I can control myself!
Susan: Listen, Mike, about the whole "seeing me naked" thing. I just wanna thank you for being such a perfect gentleman.
Mike: Oh, I wasn't a prefect gentleman, I might've snuck a peek.
Susan: Oh, goodnight.
Mike: And for what it's worth, wow
Bree: Rex. In college, when we first started dating, people were so jealous of us. We were the golden couple. Everybody knew we were going to have this wonderful life. Why is this happening?
Rex: Because you won't even let me pack my own suitcase
An odd thing happens when we die, our senses vanish. Taste, touch, smell and sound become a distant memory, but our sight? Ah, our sight expands and we can suddenly see the world we left behind so clearly. Of course most of what's visible to the dead could also be seen by the living, if they would only take the time to look
Mary Alice
Gabrielle: I can't believe she wormed her way in. How did you let her do that?
Susan: I don't know, I was gonna take her out at the knees, but it all happened so fast.
Gabrielle: Well, you know what you need to do. You need to get there early, spend a little time with Mike before little barracuda gets there.
Susan: That's a good idea. Edie will get there at 5:45, which means her breasts will arrive at 5:30, so I should shoot for five
Julie: Dear Diary, Mike doesn't even know I'm alive.
Susan: Shut up.
Julie: If you wanna date him, you're gonna have to ask him out.
Susan: I keep hoping he'll ask me out.
Julie: How's that going?
Susan: Shouldn't you be making brownies for your nerdy friends?
Gabrielle: So now you're taking Julie on your dinner date with Mike?
Susan: Yeah, well, if Edie's gonna be there, I'm gonna need emotional support
Susan: Julie? Mike Delfino just invited us to dinner Friday night.
Julie: He did? Cool.
Susan: But only I'm going. Because you're gonna come down with something semi-serious that requires bed-rest and fluids