Genevieve: This is the answer to our prayers. God has sent you a handsome, successful man you can use to torture and torment your husband. Do not reject this gift from above.
Zoila: Well, I do try to be a good Catholic.

Genevieve: You know he thinks you’re lovely in that ugly top.
Zoila: You gave me this top.

Trust me, I landed two husbands with these.

Genevieve

I could care less if you sleep with her. It makes no difference to me, but just know Tanya’s breasts are fake and she’s had Chlamydia twice.

Evelyn

Zoila: I say you’re an amazing woman.
Genevieve: So true.

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I will never handle any gun – especially yours.

Evelyn

Zoila: You don’t look happy.
Genevieve: That means the poison has set in. Wonderful!

We’re sorry for your loss. Let us know if you need more tequila.

Carmen

Everything’s better with a luncheon.

Genevieve

You are the best husband I’ve never married.

Carmen

Spence: You’re a monster.
Peri: And yet I seem so nice on my films.

Since I’m beautiful I notice that you two aren’t looking at me.

Carmen

Devious Maids Quotes

"I don't care about photos. I don't care about evidence. My maid was murdered! Who's going to clean it up?

Evelyn

"I think what you people do is heroic. You wash clothes you can't afford. You polish silver you will never dine with. You mop floors for people who don't bother to learn your last names, and still you dare to dream of a better life. I am in awe of your determination to succeed in this great country of ours. That said, if you don't stop screwing my husband, I'm going to have you deported. Comprende?"

Evelyn