You'll be the belle of the balls... ball.

Carmen

Evelyn: Who were you dreaming of?
Adrian: Who do you think?
Evelyn: I'm so glad she's dead.

Are you sure you're gay because I could jump your bones right now?
 

Carmen

I can't afford a scandal right now. I'm in negotiations with Paramount.

Peri

Is there a nice way to tell your boss he's deformed?

Carmen

How can I be terrified of conflict? I'm married to you.

Spence

Oh, the things I've seen today. I'm going to have to go to confession twice this week.

Rosie

Please stop. I just took a Valium and you are ruining it.

Evelyn

I'm not going to hold you. I'm wearing silk and you are moist.

Evelyn

This rug is worth $100,000. If you ruin it, I will personally see that you end up in the public school system.

Evelyn

It's ironic. My life sucks, but my vacuum doesn't.

Evelyn

Okay, you can be my boyfriend. Don't get excited. It's annoying.

Carmen