Eastbound & Down

Eastbound & Down Quotes

Season 2 Episode 7: "Chapter 13"

Kenny Powers: Well, I wouldn't want to ruin a sale, huh? Guess you guys got to make those commissions to be able to buy all the goddamn... the FUBU, and the Oshkosh B'gosh, and the sh*t the baby's gonna be wearing. Hey, potential home buyers. Hope ya'll know there were alotta rapes that happened in this house
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: I learned alot down in Mexico. I learned that sometimes to be the man, you gotta beat the man. I learned the grass is not always greener. I learned that adversity's sweet milk. That's philosophy, April.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: Do I have all the attentions of everyone? Attentions please. For those of y'all who do not know who I am, my name is Kenny Powers. And as f*cked up and weird as it may seem, I used to be a teacher here. But now I return to you. A victor, a champion, a man who has defeated the face of Mexican baseball... not to... get back my old job... f*ck that noise.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: But to capture the heart of one of your teachers, and take her away from you forever. So at this time I would like the beautiful, the forgiving, the talented, big-chested art teacher, to please step forward.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: Chapter One Continued. More of what I was just saying... Never in a million years would I imagine myself being in Mexico. After all, who would? Most Mexicans spend the bulk of their day just trying to get out, so you can hardly blame foreigners like myself for not thinkin' about gettin' in.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: Oddly enough, the people here aren't that different from the ones back home, when you get past the lack of interest in real sports, and the need to have yellow rice at every f*ckin' meal.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: Can't help but notice how much they stick together too. I mean, when you see Mexicans in the States you think, 'oh, there's a group of Mexicans, doin' Mexican things together', but here you see that it's not just because they talk the same language, and are all Catholic. Family means alot to these people. Relationships, husbands, wives, parents, all that sh*t.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: Reminds me of why I'm here in the first place. A quest is nuthin' if you got no one to brag about it too, will never reach the end if you're only doing it for yourself. Me, I'm doing it for a girl I had to leave behind, just to get this far. Now I gotta go a little further to get back to her. All I can do is hope that one day she'll understand, and when that day comes, it's not too late.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny: Chapter Nothing: The F**king Epilogue.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny: Down there I fought and f**ked my way to being the greatest gringo that country has ever seen.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Kenny: It's better to be strangled by a necklace of Mexicans than to be strangled by no one.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 6: "Chapter 12"

Kenny Powers: Whenever I look at a Mexican I will think of you. Whenever you look at that jackass you think of me, okay?
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: A goddamn Mexican standoff in f*ckin' Mexico. I was hoping to get into one of these before I left.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: That sweet tailpipe of yours did have me charmed. It put a spell on me, but all the ass magic in Mexico can't change Kenny Powers from his core beliefs. I'm not an ass man. I'm a tit man. I like big ass boobs - now, and forever. I'm not like a black guy, Vida.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: Too hot for hugs here, man. I've been battlin' a war with swamp ass since I got down here.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: I brought you guys up from less than f*ckin' nothin', and took you up to a championship level, only to abandon you there... leave you high and dry, naked and nude, prey, easy targets for the competitions, to rape and buttf*ck you. I'm sorry for that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: Let's face it guys, after midnight, this whole f*cking place turns into a pumpkin, and you guys all turn back into mice. This is a classic Cinderella tale here. You know, Peter Pan will no longer be a man, he'll turn into a real boy. George Washington will never be able to cut down the beanstalk. You guys will eventually just go back to bein' the sh*ttiest Mexican baseball team in Mexico.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: Purity - it's what we all desire, and it is what I've come here to share with you. Hence the all whites.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: We can do some f*cking great things tonight, you guys. Follow me. Walk with me out on to that field. And when you do, you will f*cking put your ass out, and you raise your f*cking head up. Know that you'll never, ever... ever reach the heights that you're gonna reach tonight. But you can leave here knowing that you helped Kenny Powers' dreams come tru... For a bunch of Mexican baseball players, that ain't too bad.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: Chapter 17. Done, and f*ckin' done. Just like that, the journey is over... depression is finished, and you're on your way back to the world of the living, smiling, regular people... The road has been paved with d*ckheads, backstabbers, and pains in the f*ckin' ass... but memories were made, allies were had, pole smokers were toppled, and the truth was discovered.
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite "Eastbound & Down" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!