Evil
Sundays 10:00 PM on CBSEvil Quotes
David: What happened?
Scientist: I don't know, but he was medically dead for 56 seconds with a loss of 24 grams.
Monsignor: His soul left his body?
Ben: He's still 24 grams lighter.
Kristen: So he's walkin' around without a soul?
Monsignor: Obviously, he can't be without a soul because there he is.
I'm a medical mystery. [chuckles delightedly]
Frank
It's OK. Whatever it is, God forgives.
David
Kristen: Earlier tonight, I was on my way to kill him.
David: No you weren't. [Kristen uncovers the pickax]
Kristen: Can you hear confessions, David, right after you're ordained?
David: I can. Do you have something to confess?
Sister Andrea: This is a map of 60 demonic houses. All houses of Satan going back 60 decades.
David: OK.
Sister Andrea: They're like family crests, and each house needs to ensure its line of succession before the master of one house dies, he must guarantee a successor.
David: How does he or she do that?
Sister Andrea: He needs to be consumed, eaten.
Sister Andrea: This is from last week.
David: What was that?
Sister Andrea: A tail.
David: Oh my God. Why am I doing this? I wanted things to be normal! This is crazy!
Sister Andrea: No, David. Normal life is crazy. This is how things really are! [David grabs the booze and leaves]
Ben: Tell me, how do you plan to handle this whole celibacy thing?
David: [chuckles] Delicately. [sexual vision]
Renee: Can I ask you something, David? Are you doing this for yourself or for my sister?
David: Both.
Renee: Make sure you're doing it for yourself, only for yourself. The life is too hard.
Go get ordained.
Kristen
David: You don't think they'll ask why I want to be a priest?
Sister Andrea: This isn't a cruise director interview; this determines whether you'll be ordained or not. It's a given you want to be a priest. Or is it?
David: Sister, when did you take your vows?
Sister Andrea: When I was 19. Why?
David: And you never wanted a family or children?
Sister Andrea: This isn't helpful.
David: Sister, I don't know if I'm doing the right thing to spend my whole life without a wife, without children, to be alone? Are you... alone?
Sister Andrea: No. I didn't want children.
David: But?
Sister Andrea: There was a man who fell in love with me... Look, David. I have a gift like you have a gift. A door has been opened up to us, and it comes with some responsibility. But when you're in Plato's cave and you break the restraints and you turn to the light, you can't go back.
So you leave the church instead of trying to change it.
David
