Friends Season 1 Episode 21: "The One with the Fake Monica" Quotes
Monica: She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me! Look at this, look. She buys tickets for plays that I wanna see. She, she buys clothes from stores that I'm intimidated by the sales people. She spent three hundred dollars on art supplies.
Rachel: You're not an artist.
Monica: Yeah, well I might be if I had the supplies! I mean, I could do all this stuff. Only I don't.
Phoebe: Oh, yuck! Ross, he's doing it again!
Ross: Marcel, stop humping the lamp! Stop humping!
Chandler: (Reading the credit card bill) Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.
Monica: That's me.
Chandler: You see, when I say geek, I mean... Oh, the hell with it. You bought a $70 mop, you're a geek.
Ross: Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. She's a stealer.
Monica: You know what? After you're with this woman for like ten minutes, you forget all that. I mean, she is this astounding person, with this, with this amazing spirit.
Ross: Yeah, which she probably stole from some cheerleader.
Phoebe: We found her. We found the girl.
Joey: Did you call the cops?
Rachel: Nope. We took her to lunch.
Chandler: Oh, your own brand of vigilante justice?
Chandler: How about Joey Paponi?
Joey: No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral.
Chandler: Joey Switzerland?
Rachel: Oh, Monica, come on. You do cool things.
Monica: Oh, really? Okay. Let's compare, shall we?
Rachel: Oh, it's so late for "shall we."
Monica: Do I go horseback riding in the park? Do I take classes at the New School?
Rachel: (Yawning) No...
Ross: (About Marcel's humping) You'd think you guys would be just a little more understanding, you know?
Phoebe: I know. But we're not.
Rachel: Monica, would you calm down? The credit card people said you only had to pay for the stuff that you bought.
Monica: Still, it's just such reckless spending.
Ross: I think when somebody steals your credit card they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind.
Chandler: (About Marcel) How can he be an adult already?
Ross: I know. One day he's this little thing. Then he's this little thing that I can't get off my leg.
Joey: How can you get a monkey into a zoo?
Chandler: I know that one! No, wait. That's Popes into a Volkswagen.
Chandler: Take off their hats!
Phoebe: Popes into a Volkswagen! (Chandler nods) Oh, I love that joke!
