Luke: Me? Raising a kid? I don't even like kids. They're always sticky like they've got jam on their hands. Even if there's no jam in the house, somehow, they've always got jam on their hands! I'm not the right guy to deal with that. I have no patience for jam hands!
Lorelai: First of all, Jess is 17 so I think he's probably pass the jam hands stage by now. Second of all, you can do this. If you want to you are totally capable.

Emily: (about Lorelai's shade of lipstick) That's a pretty color. What's it called?
Lorelai: "Vicious Trollop."
Emily: Now why do you say things like that? (Lorelai shows her the lipstick tube). Now why would you name a lipstick that?
Lorelai: Because "Dirty Whore" was taken.

(about Max knowing his way around the kitchen)
Rory: He has much knowledge.
Lorelai: We shall form a cult around him.
Rory: Build a statue many stories high.
Lorelai: We shall grow our hair long and stop bathing.

Lorelai: Rory, I love you. I would take a bullet for you. But I'd rather stick something sharp in my ear than go to the club with you.
Rory: Fine.
Lorelai: I'd rather slide down a banister of razor blades and land in a pool of alcohol than go to the club with you.
Rory: I got it.
Lorelai: Don't stop me, I'm on a roll. I'd rather eat my own hand than go to the club with you. Ooh, I'd rather get my face surgically altered to look like that lunatic rich lady with the lion head than go to the club with you.
Rory: Would you like me to drive so you can continue your diatribe?
Lorelai: Would ya? Thanks. I'd rather cut off my head and use it as a punch bowl than go to the club with you.

Lorelai: Work.
Rory: Life.
Lorelai: Dig it man.
Rory: Peace out Humphrey.

Rory: I think you're acting a little immature.
Lorelai: I'm not acting!

Sookie: Is that meatloaf?
Luke: Yeah.
Sookie: You use ketchup?
Luke: You gonna make fun of my mother, too?

(referring to Luke) Oh, thirteen different shades of red!

Lorelai

Christopher: Nice shirt. Take it off.
Lorelai and Rory turn around staring at the guy on the motorcycle
(Christopher takes off his helmet)
Lorelai: Christopher.
Rory: Dad!

Lorelai: I don't know what is wrong with me. This is a beautiful festival. People should be enjoying it.
Luke: It's a crazy festival based on a nutty myth about two lunatics who in all probability did not even exist and even if they did probably dropped dead of diphtheria before age 24. The town of Stars Hollow probably got its name from a local dance hall prostitute or two rich drunk guys who made up the story to make it look good on a poster.
Lorelai:: You are full of hate and loathing and I got tell you, I love it!
Luke: It's so good to have someone to share this hate with.
Lorelai: My pleasure.
Luke: More coffee?
Lorelai: Yeah, please. Hey, tomorrow, if you have time, I'm planning on despising everyone who says, "Hey, how's it going?"
Luke: You're on.
(A young woman walks in and greets Luke)
Woman: Hey, how's it going?
Lorelai: Oh, now, that's just too easy.
(Luke turns and sees that it's Rachel standing there)
Luke: Rachel?
Lorelai: (to Luke) Rachel? Your Rachel?
(Lorelai turns around to face her)
Lorelai: You're Rachel?
Rachel: Yep, I'm Rachel.

I think I'm ready to wallow now.

Rory

(at Doose's)
Tristin: (to Dean) Excuse me stockboy, could you tell me where I can find the shortening? Now, that is a fine looking apron. I mean it, I mean, really sensational.
Dean: What are you doing here?
Tristin: Well, to be honest, there's something I wanted to ask you. (holds up two bags of flour) In your professional opinion, which one of these would make my cakes fluffier?

Gilmore Girls Quotes

Luke: Me? Raising a kid? I don't even like kids. They're always sticky like they've got jam on their hands. Even if there's no jam in the house, somehow, they've always got jam on their hands! I'm not the right guy to deal with that. I have no patience for jam hands!
Lorelai: First of all, Jess is 17 so I think he's probably pass the jam hands stage by now. Second of all, you can do this. If you want to you are totally capable.

Lorelai: Rory, I love you. I would take a bullet for you. But I'd rather stick something sharp in my ear than go to the club with you.
Rory: Fine.
Lorelai: I'd rather slide down a banister of razor blades and land in a pool of alcohol than go to the club with you.
Rory: I got it.
Lorelai: Don't stop me, I'm on a roll. I'd rather eat my own hand than go to the club with you. Ooh, I'd rather get my face surgically altered to look like that lunatic rich lady with the lion head than go to the club with you.
Rory: Would you like me to drive so you can continue your diatribe?
Lorelai: Would ya? Thanks. I'd rather cut off my head and use it as a punch bowl than go to the club with you.