Luke: Me? Raising a kid? I don't even like kids. They're always sticky like they've got jam on their hands. Even if there's no jam in the house, somehow, they've always got jam on their hands! I'm not the right guy to deal with that. I have no patience for jam hands!
Lorelai: First of all, Jess is 17 so I think he's probably pass the jam hands stage by now. Second of all, you can do this. If you want to you are totally capable.

Lorelai: Has the plumber attended to Room 4 yet?
Michel: He was here. He did nothing. It's $100.

It wasn't the clams, Maury... in human years, this cat was 260 years old.

Veterinarian

Rachel: I might consider doing the whole mom thing if I could be guaranteed that I could get one just like her.
Lorelai: Oh you can, you just have to go to Sears.

Lorelai: Mother, Grandma is a very old woman, I highly doubt that she's going to remember everything she ever bought you.
Emily: She will remember down to the very last shrimp fork and do you know why?
Lorelai: No. (to dogs) Do you guys know why?
Emily: Because she doesn't just give you a present, she 'gives' you a present and she tells you where to put it, how to use it, what it costs - for insurance purposes of course - and God forbid you should have a different opinion or you don't think it works in the space or you just get tired of waking up every morning with those horrifying animals staring at you!
Lorelai: (to the dogs) She's just upset.
Emily: Stop talking to the dogs!

It's not 'Ms. Gilmore', it's Mrs. Gilmore! Mrs. Gilmore, I'm not a cosmo woman.

Emily

(to Rory) You can use your mother's old golf clubs. They're upstairs gathering dust along with the rest of her potential.

Emily

Lorelai: Mom?
Emily: Yeah?
Lorelai: I made the dress.
Emily: You did a nice job.
Lorelai: Thanks.
Emily: With Rory and the dress.
Lorelai: Thank you.

Rory: There's this big event happening in my town.
Paris: Pig race?
Rory: Dance marathon.
Paris: I was close.

Lorelai: (about the wedding shower) It's crazy out there.
Luke: Oh, I can imagine.
Lorelai: Lots of people having fun, just the kind of thing you'd hate.

Emily: Next thing I know you'll be saying I need a psychiatrist!
Lorelai: Too many comebacks. I cannot pick.

Rory: Wow, totally deserted.
Lorelai: We're the last ones left.
Rory: So, are we almost there?
Lorelai: We're almost there, and nowhere near it. All that matters is we're going.
Rory: We're practically gone already.
Lorelai: Look out, world!

Gilmore Girls Quotes

Sweetie, Mommy can't get up right now. Mommy's been sleeping at a right angle all night

Lorelai

Hands in the air, not in the nose.

Miss Patty