Luke: Me? Raising a kid? I don't even like kids. They're always sticky like they've got jam on their hands. Even if there's no jam in the house, somehow, they've always got jam on their hands! I'm not the right guy to deal with that. I have no patience for jam hands!
Lorelai: First of all, Jess is 17 so I think he's probably pass the jam hands stage by now. Second of all, you can do this. If you want to you are totally capable.

Tradition is a trap. It allows people to stick their head in the sand. Everything in the past was so quaint, so charming. Times were simpler. Kids didn't have sex. Neighbors knew each other. It's a freaking fairy tale. Things sucked then too. It just sucked without indoor plumbing.

Luke

Lorelai: Work.
Rory: Life.
Lorelai: Dig it man.
Rory: Peace out Humphrey.

(about Max knowing his way around the kitchen)
Rory: He has much knowledge.
Lorelai: We shall form a cult around him.
Rory: Build a statue many stories high.
Lorelai: We shall grow our hair long and stop bathing.

Lorelai: I'll see you later.
Emily: Dinner, Friday night. No spurs, please.

Lorelai: Here is your 'serious' paper.
Rory: Thank you.
Lorelai: Ooh, and here are your somber highlighters, your maudlin pencils, your manic-depressive pens.
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: Now, these erasers are on lithium so they may seem cheerful, but we actually caught them trying to shove themselves into the pencil sharpener earlier.
Rory: I'm going home.
Lorelai: No, wait! We're going to stage an intervention with the neon post-its and make them give up their wacky, crazy ways.
Rory: You're never coming shopping with me again.
Lorelai: Ooh, here's a card tray -

(to Rory after Gloria drives away in her golf cart) The most odious woman alive.

Richard

Lorelai: Is everything okay?
Luke: Do you have a sister?
Lorelai: Um, no.
Boy Scout: I do!
Luke: You have my sympathies.
Boy Scout: Thanks. I appreciate that.

Lorelai: Rory is an incredibly mature kid.
Trix: Oh I'm sure she is. It's you I'm worried about.
Lorelai : But -
Trix: (to Emily) And I'm sure she gets it from you.
Emily: But -

Lorelai: So where did you learn to make osso bucco anyway?
Max: Um, from this very old Italian woman who used to live upstairs. She had lost her husband a couple of years before and she kinda looked at me as like a son.
Lorelai: Sweet.
Max: She was.
Lorelai: So an old girlfriend huh?
Max: Yep.

It's not 'Ms. Gilmore', it's Mrs. Gilmore! Mrs. Gilmore, I'm not a cosmo woman.

Emily

I am an annoyance to my wife and a burden to my daughter. I suddenly know what it's like to be obsolete.

Richard

Gilmore Girls Quotes

Luke: Me? Raising a kid? I don't even like kids. They're always sticky like they've got jam on their hands. Even if there's no jam in the house, somehow, they've always got jam on their hands! I'm not the right guy to deal with that. I have no patience for jam hands!
Lorelai: First of all, Jess is 17 so I think he's probably pass the jam hands stage by now. Second of all, you can do this. If you want to you are totally capable.

Lorelai: Work.
Rory: Life.
Lorelai: Dig it man.
Rory: Peace out Humphrey.