Rory Gilmore: Any chance you could go faster?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah, you got a girl's future in that sack of yours. Santa...
Rory Gilmore: Thank you for adding the Santa.

I've got the good kid.

Lorelai Gilmore

Rory Gilmore: I gotta go, but call me if there's any news.
Lorelai Gilmore: You mean if Michel kills Babette, then Miss Partty, them himself, and then it's a bizarre murder, suicide.
Rory Gilmore: Amongst other things.

Paris Geller: I did tell my mother about having sex with Jamie and her only reaction was to talk about how my father hasn't pleased her in 15 years.
Rory Gilmore: Yikes!
Paris Geller: Like I couldn't tell.

Jackson: So, good show.
Lorelai Yeah! Alex, thank you for getting us those tickets.
Sookie: Great production value.
Jackson: Oh, amazing! I mean the way they do the lighting on these things!
Sookie: It's magical! It is magical.
Alex: This is the worst piece of crap I have ever seen.

Rory: Anything else you want to tell me?
Dean: (Pauses, confused) Corn's two for a dollar?
Rory: Jess has a black eye. Any idea where he got it?
Dean: That would be an extremely long list.

(about Emily's manipulative tactics) She's like Lyndon Johnson with the Senate. Effortless.

Lorelai

Emily: The roast looks perfect. Oh Jess, do you eat meat? I forgot to ask you.
Jess: I'm a carnivore.
Emily: Good, I don't see how anybody could resist meat.
Jess: That's why we have teeth.
Emily: That's how I feel.

Sherry: I can't just stop everything because...
Lorelai: You're having a baby. Admitting it is the first step.

Young Christopher: (in flashback, about baby Rory) She's pretty.
Young Lorelai: She's perfect.
Young Christopher: I guess this means we have to get married now.

If a horse-drawn carriage shows up here, my throwing up will be eternal.

Jess

Lorelai: We want to do it cheap.
Emily: We'll pay.
Lorelai: No.
Rory: Grandma, it's going to be fun really.
Lorelai: Kids do it all the time.
Emily: Yes, but you're not a kid.

Gilmore Girls Quotes

Lorelai: Wait, close your eyes and breathe. I smell snow.
Rory: Ah, it's that time of year.
Lorelai: Can't you smell it?
Rory: You know, it's like dogs and high-pitched noises. I think it's something only you can smell.
(Rory sits down next to Lorelai and pulls a blanket over the both of them)
Lorelai: I love snow.
Rory: Really, I had no idea.
Lorelai: Everything's magical when it snows, everything looks pretty. The clothes are great. Coats, scarves, gloves, hats.
Rory: Thermal underwear, wool socks, ear flaps.

Lorelai: Rory, I love you. I would take a bullet for you. But I'd rather stick something sharp in my ear than go to the club with you.
Rory: Fine.
Lorelai: I'd rather slide down a banister of razor blades and land in a pool of alcohol than go to the club with you.
Rory: I got it.
Lorelai: Don't stop me, I'm on a roll. I'd rather eat my own hand than go to the club with you. Ooh, I'd rather get my face surgically altered to look like that lunatic rich lady with the lion head than go to the club with you.
Rory: Would you like me to drive so you can continue your diatribe?
Lorelai: Would ya? Thanks. I'd rather cut off my head and use it as a punch bowl than go to the club with you.