Lorelai: See; now only a lady can gracefully walk around a room with a book on her head while eating Kung pow chicken. I mean a great lady can even spit the peanuts back into the container without anyone noticing.
Rory: Wow!
Lorelai: Yeah, well don't be intimidated. You have to practice and practice to get to my level.
Rory: Anyone want the last egg roll?
Dean: Err...no!
Lorelai: Hey, where are you going?
Rory: To get the last egg roll.
Lorelai: Getting the egg roll yourself?
Rory: Yes!
Lorelai: No, ladies never get their own egg rolls, ladies never get their own anything they don't even get their own ideas.
Rory: Oh Boy!
Lorelai: They just sit helplessly and wait for some young strong man to come by and assist them. They don't step in puddles, they don't step over puddles, and they can't even look at puddles. They actually need to be blindfolded and thrown in a sack and carried over puddles.
Rory: Isn't there a moratorium on how long ladies are supposed to talk?
Lorelai: Errno! Now repeat after me "I am completely helpless".

(Jess comes down the stairs drssed in a flannel shirt and a backwards baseball cap)
Lorelai: Uh, Luke...
Luke: What? (sees Jess) What do you think you're doing?
Jess: Working.
Luke: So, you think this is funny.
Jess: I'm sorry, I thought this was the uniform.
Luke: You know what? That's fine. Have your little joke, doesn't bother me at all. Clean that table.
Jess: Yeah?
Luke: I'm ignoring you. You do not exist.
Jess: Okay. (Jess starts to clean table)
Luke: That's it, gets upstairs and change.
Jess: Whatever you say, Uncle Luke.
Luke: It's Luke. Just Luke. Mister Luke. In fact, don't address me at all!

Emily: You don't want your granddaughter admitted to society?
Richard: To hell with society! (to a table of people) And yes, I'm talking about you!

Rory: So?
Dean: So what?
Rory: It's good, isn't it?
Dean: It's the Rock-n-Roll hall of fame induction.
Rory: And doesn't Neil Young look cool?
Dean: I guess.
Rory: And you'll notice he's wearing a tux.
Dean: Neil Young looks cool because he's Neil Young, not because he's wearing a tux.
Lorelai:(on phone with Emily) I don't have to ask her Mom, I know the answer... I know the answer... yeah, no, I don't have to... yeah, hold on. (to Rory) Rory, would you like Grandma's hair stylist to come and set your hair before the ball? (Rory makes a face) Oh, I did not coach her, Mom. Go back to talking about gloves!
Rory:(to Dean) I think you're going to look great in a tux.
Lane: Tails.
Dean: What?!
Lane: Yeah, according to this, all escorts must be properly attired in black tails, white cumberbuns and white gloves.
Dean: What?!
Rory: I'm sure the gloves are optional!
Lane: Not according to this.
Dean: Tails? Gloves?
Rory: Remember Neil Young. Remember that you love me. Remember that I'll be watching battlebots with you for a month!
Dean: Show me Neil Young again.

Lorelai: I swear, there is nothing in the world my mother is better at than getting someone to agree to something that in any other universe, they would never ever consider.
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: I am still convinced she had something to do with Lily Tomlin doing that movie with John Travolta

Emily: Oh, Richard, I didn't know you were home!
Richard: Yes, well you learn something new everyday.

Rory: And when I got back from Grandpa's office, they all invited me out onto the patio.
Lorelai: No, no, no! Please tell me you did not go out onto the patio.
Rory: I went out onto the patio.
Lorelai: Oh, Rory, that's like accepting the position as the drummer in Spinal Tap.

Luke: How can you like that shirt?
Jess: It brings out my eyes.

Um, guys, hi, there's a lady up there with a rock the size of Neptune around her neck talking about the debutantes of ancient Greece. It's a lot easier to fall asleep if you're sitting down, trust me.

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