Gilmore Girls Season 2 Episode 12: "Richard in Stars Hollow" Quotes
(Lorelai rushes through the front door followed by Richard)
Lorelai: Rory, we're home!
Richard: Next time, stop the car completely before you get out.
Lorelai: Rory, for the love of God, be home!
Rory: I'm here, sorry! I was on the phone. How was your... (Lorelai wraps Rory in her arms and hugs her very tightly) Ooh, okay.
Lorelai: I don't think I've ever loved you quite as much as I love you right now.
Rory: Ah, ribs cracking, organs crushing.
Lorelai: Yeah, well, love hurts.
Lorelai: Hey, I need a grapefruit.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: Yeah. Before my pancakes this morning I need half a grapefruit, uh, preferably one that tastes like a donut.
Luke: I don't have grapefruit.
Lorelai: How can you not have grapefruit?
Luke: I've never had grapefruit.
Lorelai: I need a grapefr... Listen, I have my father with me all day, and so far there's been no major drama or yelling or ugliness but there will be if I don't somehow find a way to get half a grapefruit for breakfast this morning.
Luke: I could go next door to Doose's and buy a grapefruit.
Lorelai: I would be eternally grateful.
Luke: I'll be right back.
Lorelai: Thank you.
Louise: It's just a contest, Paris. It's not like you can win a car or a lifetime supply of rice-a-roni.
Madeline: God, I love that stuff.
Jess: Nice picture.
Rory: (sarcastically) Gee, thanks.
Jess: You're very popular right now. I bet if you burn a few books, they'll probably make you mayor.
Rory: This is ridiculous.
Jess: I don't know, bet you have a lot of supporters on this. Pat Buchanon, Jerry Falwell, Kathie Lee Gifford.
Rory: (annoyed) Bye.
Jess: Aw, come on, it's a little funny.
Rory: No, being the poster girl for censorship is not a little funny. The only videos not behind that curtain are Bambi and Dumbo. I mean, they actually had a meeting earlier about whether or not Babe should be behind the curtain so as not to offend people who keep kosher!
Jess: It's a crazy world we live in.
I am an annoyance to my wife and a burden to my daughter. I suddenly know what it's like to be obsolete.
Lorelai: So, Dad, how's retired life treating you?
Richard: Well, fascinating actually! I find myself noticing things, everyday things that I must've witnessed a hundred times before and just walked right pass. Like yesterday your mother moved a vase, the one in the hall, and see didn't do it in front of me
Lorelai: No, no! 'Cause nice girls never move vases in front of men.
Richard: (ignoring Lorelai's comment) and she only moved it a little, but as I passed it by I noticed it had been moved!
Rory: Impressive!
Richard: And everyday is a new discovery! Your mother changed her hair, or she wore shoes that didn't match her purse!
Emily: Richard!
Richard: Last Thursday!
Emily: Oh, for heaven's sake!
Rory: Poor Dean.
Lorelai: Poor Dean, he has to spend one evening with him. I share chromosomes with the guy.
Richard: Lorelai?
Lorelai: Yes, Dad?
Richard: May I speak to you for a moment?
Michel: (under his breath; in a sing-song voice) Someone is in trouble.
Well, the worst that can happen is that I spend some time in your town and suddenly have an urge to enter a pie in the county fair.
Paris
Michel: (on the phone at the inn) As soon as I can, I will send someone up ... Yes, I will ... I understand ... I understand ... I understand ... I understand ... I understand ... Okay ... I understand. Goodbye. (hangs up)
Lorelai: What do you understand?
Michel: I have no idea. I tuned him out at the first screech.
The Oppenheimer Award for Excellence in school journalism is not a contest. It's a statement. It says you're the best. The best writers, the best reporters, the best editors. It says that you have crushed all others who have dared to take you on. It says that every other single school in the United States of America is feeling nothing but shame and defeat and pain because of the people who won the Oppenheimer plaque. I wanna be those people, I wanna cause that pain.
Paris
Paris: Hey, where'd he come from? What's up there? Is that where you keep the girls? You got yourself a little cat house up there?
Jess: Wow, I think she got you Uncle Luke. You better give up now.
Luke: Do not add to this insanity.
Jess: An innocent boy like me should not be raised in an atmosphere like this.
Luke: Jess!
Jess: I wanna be good, life's just not letting me.
