Lorelai: Hey, I need a grapefruit.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: Yeah. Before my pancakes this morning I need half a grapefruit, uh, preferably one that tastes like a donut.
Luke: I don't have grapefruit.
Lorelai: How can you not have grapefruit?
Luke: I've never had grapefruit.
Lorelai: I need a grapefr... Listen, I have my father with me all day, and so far there's been no major drama or yelling or ugliness but there will be if I don't somehow find a way to get half a grapefruit for breakfast this morning.
Luke: I could go next door to Doose's and buy a grapefruit.
Lorelai: I would be eternally grateful.
Luke: I'll be right back.
Lorelai: Thank you.

Louise: It's just a contest, Paris. It's not like you can win a car or a lifetime supply of rice-a-roni.
Madeline: God, I love that stuff.

Jess: Nice picture.
Rory: (sarcastically) Gee, thanks.
Jess: You're very popular right now. I bet if you burn a few books, they'll probably make you mayor.
Rory: This is ridiculous.
Jess: I don't know, bet you have a lot of supporters on this. Pat Buchanon, Jerry Falwell, Kathie Lee Gifford.
Rory: (annoyed) Bye.
Jess: Aw, come on, it's a little funny.
Rory: No, being the poster girl for censorship is not a little funny. The only videos not behind that curtain are Bambi and Dumbo. I mean, they actually had a meeting earlier about whether or not Babe should be behind the curtain so as not to offend people who keep kosher!
Jess: It's a crazy world we live in.

I am an annoyance to my wife and a burden to my daughter. I suddenly know what it's like to be obsolete.

Lorelai: So, Dad, how's retired life treating you?
Richard: Well, fascinating actually! I find myself noticing things, everyday things that I must've witnessed a hundred times before and just walked right pass. Like yesterday your mother moved a vase, the one in the hall, and see didn't do it in front of me
Lorelai: No, no! 'Cause nice girls never move vases in front of men.
Richard: (ignoring Lorelai's comment) and she only moved it a little, but as I passed it by I noticed it had been moved!
Rory: Impressive!
Richard: And everyday is a new discovery! Your mother changed her hair, or she wore shoes that didn't match her purse!
Emily: Richard!
Richard: Last Thursday!
Emily: Oh, for heaven's sake!

Rory: Poor Dean.
Lorelai: Poor Dean, he has to spend one evening with him. I share chromosomes with the guy.

Richard: Lorelai?
Lorelai: Yes, Dad?
Richard: May I speak to you for a moment?
Michel: (under his breath; in a sing-song voice) Someone is in trouble.

Well, the worst that can happen is that I spend some time in your town and suddenly have an urge to enter a pie in the county fair.

Paris

(Lorelai rushes through the front door followed by Richard)
Lorelai: Rory, we're home!
Richard: Next time, stop the car completely before you get out.
Lorelai: Rory, for the love of God, be home!
Rory: I'm here, sorry! I was on the phone. How was your... (Lorelai wraps Rory in her arms and hugs her very tightly) Ooh, okay.
Lorelai: I don't think I've ever loved you quite as much as I love you right now.
Rory: Ah, ribs cracking, organs crushing.
Lorelai: Yeah, well, love hurts.

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