[leaving message] Hey, Blair, it's Dan. I know I'm not someone you want to hear from late at night or ... any hour, but I need your help. Call me.

Dan

Blair: She looks like she needs a sandwich.
Chuck: Looks just right to me ...

Carter: I know what you're doing. You can't avoid what happened forever.
Serena: [undoes straps, alerts paparazzi and bolts] Watch me ... Oh no!

Spare me, S. I get every issue of Hello and OK! there is. I know what you did this summer, and who. Cristiano Ronaldo? I hope you got your shots before you traveled. Should I be worried?

Blair

Blair: It isn't an open relationship, we're completely monogamous! It's just another one of our games, like the rest.
Serena: Yeah, until it isn't anymore. Playing the scorned woman and actually being the scorned woman is a slippery slope.

Blair: Chuck plays the cheating bastard and I play the scorned woman. I even get to choose who to humiliate! Models, tourists, Upper West Siders ...
Serena: I don't know if anyone ever told you this, but the honeymoon is supposed to end, it's not real. The real part is after the honeymoon ends, when you settle down with someone, the three-month milestone.
Blair: It's not a milestone, it's a gravestone.

Dan: There is nothing out-of-sight, out-of-mind about your summer. I know what happened. I know there was no ashram.
Serena: I went to an ashram ... on a tour?

Rufus: Glad I had the number for City Harvest. This is all a little much.
Dan: A little much? This makes the Four Seasons look like ... one season.

Dan: [sees Serena in tabloid] Oh my god.
Eric: It's not what you think ...
Dan: So much for eat, pray, love. Well, I guess she got the love part right ...

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