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Serena: Did you get my text?
Blair: Of course. Yes, I did.
Serena: So, you know that I told Dan I'm not pregnant.
Blair: Yes. And I'm so happy for you. Close call, huh?
Serena: Are we really going to play that old game, B?
Blair: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Jenny: Well, I've never seen you give up so easily.
Dan: Can you not start with me?
Jenny: Can you not give me something to start with? Why are you taking his advice? He's old and alone.
Dan: What?
Jenny: Tell Serena again. Without the pregnancy scare in a quiet, without a distraction kind of way. But, then again, what do I know about romance or anything else?
Dan: No, no. Actually, Jen, that's a very good idea.
Jenny: What would you do without me?
Dan: Promise me I will find out one day?
Jenny: Uh-huh.

Serena: I never thought I was pregnant. The test was for Blair.
Dan: Yeah? But she just got back together with Nate.
(awkward pause)
Dan: Oh... then who?
Serena: Chuck.
Dan: Chuck? And Blair? Blair and Chuck? Then why isn't he the one buying the test?
Serena: Because...
Dan: Because he's an ass.
Serena: Who doesn't know.
Dan: Why not? I mean, there's no love lost between me and Chuck Bass, but he deserves to know.

Dan: Well, let's try this. Why don't you tell me what's on your mind. Then it can be on our minds. And our minds can worry about what's on your mind... together.
Serena: I have no idea what you just said.

Serena: I need to talk to you.
Chuck: About getting knocked up? I must say I was a little disappointed you weren't more careful.

Serena: Hi, Chuck.
Chuck: Please, call me brother.

Serena: There's no moving on just yet. The pregnancy test wasn't for me, it was for Blair.
Chuck: What?
Serena: She won't take it. So, given that if she's pregnant and you're the father...
Chuck: No! We used a condom.
Serena: Well, obviously it broke.
Chuck: What's obvious is that your best friend has kept you in dark.
Serena: What are you talking about?
Chuck: I handle my business. Apparently, Nate doesn't.

Serena: I can't believe you didn't tell me about you and Nate.
Blair: What did he say?
Serena: Nothing. Chuck did. I went to see him because I thought maybe he could talk some sense into you.
Blair: You had no right to do that.
Serena: I was trying to help you, B. I took a public bullet for you. Let another rumor about me run rampant. The whole school heard, even Dan.
Eleanor: What's going on?
Serena: Ask Blair. Her version of the story is always better.

Serena: Morning!
Dorota: Good morning, miss Serena.
Serena: Anybody notice the weather, today?
Blair: What?
Serena: Take a look outside, B. My first response would be that the sky is a clear blue, easy.
Blair: Dorota, you may be excused now.

Eleanor: Maybe you just need to take a little break. Maybe with your father? Lyon is beautiful this time of year.
Blair: Maybe this summer.
Eleanor: Summer? Sounds great. Finish your breakfast.

Eleanor: Are you all right?
Blair: Never been better.
Eleanor: Well, Serena has. What's wrong?
Blair: I don't know. I can't be held responsible for her mood swings.
Eleanor: Were you arguing about the possibility that your condition may have returned.
Blair: No. It hasn't.
Eleanor: I heard you the other day in your bathroom with the water running.
Blair: I'm very stressed. And with you and Serena down my throat I can hardly see straight, never mind keep food down.

I'm not pregnant. I command myself to not be pregnant.

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