Principal: I'm a little confused, are you telling me this photo of Bruce Jenner is your resume?
Charlie: Well, when I showed up this morning I didn't have a formal resume on me so i was sort of hoping the photograph of Mr. Jenner could represent the standard of excellence I'm hoping to bring to his position.
Principal: And you're looking for a job as a substitute teacher?
Charlie: Substitute janitor.

No I don't eat dragon, cause, uh, it's not a meal for peasants, it's a meal for kings, and I'm sort of a common man. But they don't eat us, it's a common misconception. They actually eat gold and treasure -- that's why they're always sitting on a pile of it.

Charlie

Naked pics online? That's disgusting. On a website? There's so many of them though. Where? Which one?

Mac

You are not eating a hoagie. You are just jamming meats and cheeses in your mouth.

Dee [to Frank]

Storm coming? Hatchet coming.

Charlie

We gotta stop pussy-dicking around here. It's time to get in the bunker.

Dee

Charlie: Wait, what are you good at?
Dee: Good, uh, um, I'm a good person.

This isn't fat. This is mass.

Mac

Are you saying u have a collection of skin luggage?

Dee

Dee I swear you would be more use to be if I skinned you and turned you into a lampshade.

Dennis

Well that was weird.

Adriano

Dude hangs dong.

Cop

It's Always Sunny Quotes

No I don't eat dragon, cause, uh, it's not a meal for peasants, it's a meal for kings, and I'm sort of a common man. But they don't eat us, it's a common misconception. They actually eat gold and treasure -- that's why they're always sitting on a pile of it.

Charlie

Naked pics online? That's disgusting. On a website? There's so many of them though. Where? Which one?

Mac