Naked pics online? That's disgusting. On a website? There's so many of them though. Where? Which one?

Mac

No I don't eat dragon, cause, uh, it's not a meal for peasants, it's a meal for kings, and I'm sort of a common man. But they don't eat us, it's a common misconception. They actually eat gold and treasure -- that's why they're always sitting on a pile of it.

Charlie

Let's pull up our bootstraps, oil up a couple asses, and do a little plowing of our own. POW! (gestures a fist punch up an invisible ass)... Not gay sex.

Mac

Mac: I gained and lost 60 pounds in 3 months.
Therapist: That's almost impossible.
Mac: Well, through God all things are possible, so jot that down.

Dennis: I am having feelings again. Like some kind of fourteen year old kid. You remember, feelings right?
Mac: Yeah. I have feelings every single day of my life.
Dennis: Do you?
Mac: Are you saying you don't have feelings?
Dennis: What I'm saying is a built up a shell.. a shell around myself. A cold, calculated shell that couldn't be broken by anything but marriage.

Frank: I got my first kiss there. (stares off into the distance)
Therapist: Frank?
Frank (breaks down into tears): It was terrible. But not her. She was an angel. Always smiling... that's because she had no lips. But her mouth was still very much in play.
Therapist: Let's talk about the dishes.
Frank: She died two weeks later. She thought she was a spaceman with a plastic bag for a helmet.

With real power comes real responsibility and I don't want any of that shit. I just want the money and the illusion of power. And puss.

Dennis

Charlie: what is your spaghetti policy?
Dee: Are you hearing this? He doesn't belong in a place like this.

Frank: I opened up to a therapist just once. I was a kid. I got into a fight. The doctor asked me question after question, got me so scrambled up. Next thing I know, I was shanghai'd upstate to a nitwit school. You know what a nitwit school is?
Therapist: I assume you mean a school for the mentally disabled.
Frank (spits pistachio shell): Yeah, not just for nuts in the head, but bodies, too. Back then science was real crude, they stuck us all together. My roommate was a frog-kid. You ever see a frog-kid?

I was a five star man before the internet and I’m a five star man now. I just gotta shed the dead weight. God damn it!

Dennis

Principal: I'm a little confused, are you telling me this photo of Bruce Jenner is your resume?
Charlie: Well, when I showed up this morning I didn't have a formal resume on me so i was sort of hoping the photograph of Mr. Jenner could represent the standard of excellence I'm hoping to bring to his position.
Principal: And you're looking for a job as a substitute teacher?
Charlie: Substitute janitor.

(After Charlie throws away a girl's number)
Mac: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing, dude?
Charlie: What?
Mac: What are you doing?
Charlie: Ah.
Mac: That girl is gorgeous. She's like the perfect opportunity to show that we are not racist. She probably has friends for me.
Charlie: Well, come on. If anything, I think we should be focused on black men, first of all.
Mac: What?!

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Dee: Who slams a door?
Frank: Babies.
Dennis: That guy has some real growing up to do. Have some repect for Christ's sake... I am legend.

Let's pull up our bootstraps, oil up a couple asses, and do a little plowing of our own. POW! (gestures a fist punch up an invisible ass)... Not gay sex.

Mac